Month: April 2008

Categories
Fulfillment

From the lofty peak

I discussed some of the same things I’ve been writing about in the Making Mother’s Day Merry series with my mother via email. Since I’m not on that “lofty peak of experience,” I figured I’d talk to someone who is (or at least, almost is—my youngest sister is a junior in high school).

I don’t think that anyone fully realizes the greatness of what they are undertaking until they look backwards. I don’t remember a lot of defining moments during my “active duty” status of motherhood that made me say, “Yep, I am doing what I was destined to do right this moment.” But, there were those moments of supreme joy that still warm my soul. Times like seeing the unbridled happiness in Brooke’s eyes when she felt the wind on her face, or watching 3 girls run to help a lady in a store who had dropped her money, or hearing you solo in orchestra playing “Amazing Grace” or seeing Jaime opening her acceptance to BYU, or watching Jasmine sleep in her crib. There is joy in the journey every day if you just look.

smaller making mothers day merry badgeIt is interesting to hear you girls’ perspectives on your childhoods now. There are many things that I have forgotten that you girls remember and cherish that make me think that maybe I did some things right.

If I could do anything over again, I would worry less about things that really didn’t matter, and just enjoy the wonders of childhood with my girls. I would be more patient, more loving, more generous. I would discipline with more understanding and love. I would read more stories and more scriptures to you. I would just enjoy the very fleeting moments I had with my girls.

Once when you were you were about 6, I had to give a talk on motherhood. At that time, when we went shopping Jaime and Brooke rode in the shopping cart and you held onto the side. People thought the younger 2 were twins. Many times people would look at me and say, “Wow, you have your hands full.” I related that in my talk, and added my response, “Yes, and it is a fullness I have chosen.” Your blog title says you are searching for fulfillment. I think you have it. Your heart is full of what you have chosen. A little boy in your home and a little girl under your heart. Today is the day to enjoy the fullness.

I think all great and monumental tasks are made up of small, drudgery filled daily tasks that seem mundane, unimportant and boring. And yet, each of those smaller tasks are the bricks that build a beautiful creation. We all just need to learn to look at the bricks and appreciate their beauty and have faith that if the foundation is strong, the building will last.

This doesn’t really answer, I know. But in the immortal words of my autistic student, “I’m giving it all I got!”

Thank you, Mom, for your insights—every time I read them, I cry. I blame the baby 😉 .

Categories
Fulfillment

I can’t wait until they’re older

I know that I, like a lot of other mothers, can’t wait until my children are older. When Hayden doesn’t have to bug me for every Goldfish and glass of water, when the baby doesn’t kick me all the time, when Hayden grows out of the “Drama King” stage (aka the terrible twos), etc., etc.—then I’ll be able to say “this was worth it.”

But y’know what? The reason I started this blog—and Making Mother’s Day Merry—is because I don’t want to look back and say “this was worth it.” I want to be able to look at them now (okay, well, look at Hayden for now) and say “This IS worth it.”

I know, perhaps all too well, that this won’t happen every day. But I can’t wait until they’re older to finally begin to think that I’ve made the right choice with my life.

smaller making mothers day merry badgeOf course, I do hope and expect to have a day when my children are grown and off on their own, leading good, responsible lives when I will be able to say “This has been so worth it.”

But today, I’m not condescending from that lofty peak of experience to tell you that joy can be found when you finally make it up there. Frankly, I can’t promise that to myself or to anyone else.

Instead, I’m trying to gain at least a little of that mountain-top perspective where I am today. If I don’t start working toward enjoying motherhood today, I’m really not sure I’ll ever get to a point where I can look back and say, “Yeah, that was worth it, after all.” I’m not sure I’ll have anything to look back on with fondness if I don’t appreciate what motherhood is today.

Yes, motherhood entails work. But that is not what motherhood is. And if I don’t take time to enjoy motherhood now, I think that motherhood will never be anything more than just work to me.

So, no, I can’t wait until my children are older. I simply can’t wait that long to, as I said on Wednesday, recognize “that raising my children is important, and quite probably the most important thing I’ll ever do—to understand that it’s a task that’s worth doing.”

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Hayden’s first prayer

Hayden reached another milestone this week. While he’s made a play attempt or two at praying, he usually pretends to be shy when I try to help him through a prayer. Until Tuesday night.

Hayden was at the table getting ready to eat, I was getting ready to leave to visit someone from church and Ryan was getting his dinner. We reminded Hayden that we needed to say a prayer, and he dutifully folded his arms.

And then we heard what he was saying. “Hebely fader. Hebely fader. Hebely fader.”

Ryan and I quickly folded our arms and walked into the dining room. “Thank you for this day,” I prompted him.

Hayden snuggling Marty at 26 months“Dates day.”

“Thank you for this food.”

“Dates fud.”

“Please bless it.”

“P’ease b’ess.”

“In the name of Jesus Christ.”

Blank look.

“In the name of Jesus Christ,” I tried again.

Blank look.

This could be simpler for a two-year-old, I guess. “Jesus,” I tried.

He knew that one. “Dee sa.”

“Amen.”

“Amin.”

Not bad!

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

The work of motherhood

smaller making mothers day merry badgeYesterday, I asked:

Do you find it difficult to honor motherhood? I know I do! If so, why do you think that is? Is it the nature of the work? Pressures from others? Pressures and expectations from yourself?

For me, it’s a combination of the three, of course, but mostly expectations I have for myself, followed by the repetitive and even “drudgerous” nature of the “work” of motherhood.

But even as I pondered that, I realized that my underlying assumption here is misleading. Yes, motherhood is work. It’s hard work, even. But motherhood itself, motherhood as an institution, has very little to do with the maintenance- and housework that we commonly associate it.

As I’ve said before, motherhood isn’t about housework. It’s not about cleaning or cooking or organizing, though all those things are part-and-parcel of the tasks that come with having children. But “Motherhood is not, at its heart, about doing. Motherhood is about being. Because motherhood isn’t just something you do; it’s who you are.”

Granted, these tasks are important—and time consuming. But perhaps if we separate the day-to-day chores that accompany (or are simply magnified by) the arrival children, we’ll be able to slowly begin to see motherhood in a positive light.

What do you think? Can we mentally separate the maintenance of our children (and our own) from the meaning of motherhood?

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

HONORing motherhood

smaller making mothers day merry badgeI find it interesting that in the King James Version of the Bible, nine of the ten commandments are negative commandments: don’t do this, don’t do that. Even “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy” goes on to say “thou shalt not do any work. . . .” To break these commandments, you have to actively do something: kill, cheat, worship a graven image, etc.

There one exception, one commandment that could be broken by simply a sin of omission: “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land with the Lord thy God shall give thee.”

Traditionally, we understand this commandment to mean “obey your parents,” but that isn’t what it says. It says to honour. (Perhaps your wedding vows contained the promise to “love, honor and obey,” three different concepts.) This particular word choice can add a lot to our understanding of not only this commandment but also the kind of value that we should place on motherhood. (I’d love to hear any insights gained on this from the original Hebrew, too, if anyone has any!)

What does it mean to honor motherhood? We can pretty easily define motherhood, and we’ve even done so in one of our most popular group writing projects.

So what does it mean to ‘honor’ motherhood? In my scriptures, a helpful footnote gives a few synonyms for ‘honour’: “respect or value.” This goes far deeper than just obeying your parents’ rules until you get out of the house, and expecting the same from your children.

Truly honoring motherhood means to place value upon the efforts that we make as mothers every day, and not just because these efforts give us food to eat, clean clothes to wear and a clean house. Honoring motherhood means recognizing that raising our children is important, and quite probably the most important thing we’ll ever do. It’s a task that’s worth doing, worth doing well, and incredibly challenging.

Do you find it difficult to honor motherhood? I know I do! If so, why do you think that is? Is it the nature of the work? Pressures from others? Pressures and expectations from yourself?

Categories
MetaBlogging

Dear friends using Blogger

Hi. I, or at least other people like me, like reading your blog. We like reading it so much, in fact, that I frequently remember posts that you write. Sometimes they’re so awesome, frankly, that I remember them months later and just have to link to them.

I hurry over to your site and—bam. No navbar—no search bar. Sure, you may have Scribbit’s wonderful custom search engine for mom bloggers, or even a Technorati search box, but in my experience, those aren’t super reliable in helping me find the specific post from your blog that I’m looking for. Granted, I work in search engine marketing, so I do know a trick or two to find the post (if it’s been indexed by Google), but really, not very many people do.

Look, I know it’s ugly. It may not go with your theme. You might not like the fact that it has a Blogger logo on it. I’ve heard lots of people express concern that the “Next Blog” button might lead to objectionable content, or be seen as a a link to such content by search engines.

May I point out here, though, that there are a few color options for the navbar: blue, black, silver and tan. And in my (admittedly limited) experience and recent testing, I have never come across “adult” content from the “Next Blog” button. Adult blogs are supposed to be properly labeled and carry a warning message through Blogger software. And the way that the navbar is coded, there is no actual link on your site from your blog to the “next blog.”

If you wouldn’t mind to terribly, having the navbar would help make your site easier for me to use. Can you go easy on me? I have a two-year-old.

Thanks,
Jordan (MamaBlogga)

P.S. Also, for some reason, the popup window that Blogger uses for comments is just not big enough on my computer lately (and it won’t let me resize). Sometimes I can’t even read and write comments (or at least not easily) or see the spam CAPTCHA image in the popup window. Just FYI.