Month: September 2008

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Making time (for real)

I didn’t have a ton of friends in high school, but I had some pretty awesome ones. My best friend from high school, in fact, is also pretty tight with my mom—and her mom loves me. (I love her, too, of course.) My friend’s mom regularly inquires after my wellbeing (awww).

Saturday night at a church activity after one such inquiry, my friend, her mom and my mom were talking about . . . well, me. My friend told my mother, “I don’t know how she does all that she does!”

My mother was like “… Really?” (Remember, these lovely women live 2000 miles away.)

When my mother related the story to me, I told my mom, “Oh, she sees how much I write. She doesn’t see what my house looks like!”

(A side note: according to a survey of 7000 moms by AOL’s Platform-A and OMD, the average mom fits the equivalent of 27 hours of activities into a 16-hour day. Only 1.4 of those hours are “personal time,” of course. The one thing I question about this study: who gets eight hours of sleep?!)

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

The difference

I was really expecting to basically die after Rebecca was born. The transition from a nonmom to a mom was so difficult for me that I have likened it to dying—the old me-only self had to go away and I had to find a new kind of me-mom self. I had to find new ways to find fulfillment (e.g. this blog), new ways to interact with adults, new ways to interact with my husband and of course, everything about being a mom.

It was, honestly, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

At times during my pregnancy, I feared that I would have to go through the same transition with Rebecca. Other times, I feared it would be the same but worse—having to go through that while parenting a child in the terrible twos.

Thankfully, this has not been the case—but not actually because Rebecca is a more or less difficult baby than Hayden. In fact, I’m surprised at what has been the same—and what’s completely different.

For example, I think she sleeps slightly better than Hayden did (although she does continue to stay up until all hours, when she finally falls asleep, she usually only wakes up once or maybe twice a night).

On the other hand, Hayden was a champion nurser who learned a comfortable latch almost immediately. Rebecca often chokes and sputters, and her latch still hurts. And on the other hand (how many hands does one mom have?), she has spit up maybe five times. Ever. (Knock on wood!)

Hayden was a very quiet baby from the time he was born—the nurses couldn’t get him to cry in the delivery room. Rebecca doesn’t cry overly much (unless I miss her tired signs!), though more than Hayden did—but she’s a vocal girl. She coos and “talks” to us, and she’s finally starting to use her social smile (don’t tell Ryan, but she likes me best!). (Of course, I know that girls are supposed to talk more than boys, but to beat Hayden, she really would have to talk every waking minute.)

What interesting differences have you noticed among your kids—and what have you been surprised to find is the same?

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Those kids!

rebecca 14 sept 08 blue dress smilingI finally went through all the adorable clothes my sisters-in-law sent for Rebecca. Suddenly, instead of worrying about how often I have to do laundry and how to make sure people can tell my yellow-clad baby is a girl, I’m worried that she’ll grow out of these cute outfits before she gets to wear them! (Not likely, since she’s still just a tiny girl, but still.)

She also has just enough hair to hold a clip. Normally this clip goes on a headband, but the headband kind of leaves a dent in her skull…

Hayden continues to be a great big brother.
Hayden and Rebecca 14 sept 08
He is very sweet and gentle with Rebecca. Well, he’s very sweet in general. Lately, his favorite conversation goes like this:

“Mom? Mom? Mom?”

Sigh. “What.” Not a question.

“I yubs you . . . [voice jumps an octave] O MU-UCH!”

“I love you, too, Hayden.”

“Me? Oh wow! . . . ‘S guud.”

This cute little number is one of my favorites. It was a gift from my Aunt Janie, and it reminds me of my wedding dress.
rebecca 21 sept 08 yellow dress

I had pictures of Rebecca in a cute dress from my Aunt Janet, but it looks like all those pictures were on my in-laws’ camera! (Can you guys send us some copies?)

Categories
Kids/Parenting

The hot topic for new moms: sleep

In case it’s been a while since you’ve been there, sleep is a pretty hot topic for new moms. Okay, it’s a pretty hot topic for all moms, but it’s especially dear to the heart of ones who are waking up two, three or seven times a night. (And as a note, that was me waking up seven times a night with Hayden when he was a year old. Thankfully, he sleeps through the night now.)

There is a good reason why this topic is so important to mothers who can’t get any sleep: we are programmed with an innate need for a minimum amount of sleep. As any new mom can tell you, go without sleep long enough and you can actually go insane. Check out at nican for more updates.

But losing sleep isn’t the only thing that can drive you crazy—when Hayden was little, it was just the thought that I would be passing another interrupted night of little sleep that could induce a near-anxiety attack at bedtime.

As I’ve mentioned before (a long time ago), there are several different schools of thought when it comes to issues like baby’s sleep. One school of thought is that you have to let the baby grow out of it naturally—letting a baby cry is cruel and damaging to their little psyche, so suck it up and deal with it. After all, we did sign up for this when we decided to have a baby.

I agree—a little. We did sign up for this when we decided to have a baby. At the same time, I do still consider my sleep a physical need, not a luxury, especially when I have to manage to be patient with a two-year-old during the day.

But as we have children, we do have to drastically alter our expectations of ourselves. When I had Hayden, I basically had to relearn how to get everything done. Now, I am again relearning how to do everything while juggling two kids who both want my attention and managing to keep the house livable (not clean, just not bad enough to get me sent to jail) and everyone else fed.

On the other hand, as parents it is our duty to teach our children to be capable, responsible, independent people. Part of this is learning to sleep. That’s right, learning to sleep. As any new mother can attest, sleeping is a learned skill that babies haven’t learned yet. Yes, we all have an inborn ability to sleep, but falling asleep and staying that way isn’t easy. Just ask Rebecca—it can take her up to six hours.

So we’re still working on learning this skill, but I still believe that it’s important to help a baby learn to sleep—and sleep through the night (after a certain point, of course). It’s not because I’m insensitive or I expect to get back to “normal” ASAP—it’s because it’s what will be best for all of us, now and in the long run.

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Pretty girl

I have a habit of referring to my children by nicknames. A lot of nicknames. I used over 50 nicknames for Hayden in his first year. When Hayden first started saying his name, he said it “Haydie.” He’s only recently begun calling himself “Hayden.”

(Break here: he has a friend named Sadie. They were playing last week. When Sadie left, Hayden looked around and asked “Werse (where’s) Sayden?” Nice analogous learning, boy!)

There’s one nickname for Rebecca that I feel a twinge of guilt for using: “pretty girl.” Aside from the fact that this sounds like a form of address for a pet, calling my daughter pretty girl incites all kinds of crazy fears in me.

What if she becomes stuck up or haughty about her appearance?
What if she has no self-esteem about her appearance?
What if she infers that she has nothing else to offer?
What if she never hears her mother call her pretty?
What if none of this really matters?

I’m probably reading too much into a nickname that comes pretty much naturally to me.

Do you have any nicknames that you keep calling your kids, but you don’t really want to?

Categories
Fulfillment

A kind word

A couple weeks ago, I made it through another harried hour at church (though this time was much better, thanks to another family in our congregation and their son’s help in entertaining Hayden). It was probably the first time I was alone with the kids in public, as Ryan sits on the stand at the front of the congregation.

As I was gathering up the toys and the baby at the end of the hour, the young couple sitting behind me leaned over the pew.

“You are such a wonderful mother!” said the wife.

And as soon as she said that, tears began to sting my eyes. Her husband joined in her praise.

Believe me, I thanked them, and I’m still thanking them.

It’s amazing what a simple act of kindness like that can do for a mother—her sense of self-worth, her happiness and her fulfillment.

So this week, go out and give a kind word to another mother—in your neighborhood, at church, through email or in the blogosphere. Tell her she’s doing something right—and if you can’t think of anything, here are five things moms do right.

Who knows? Even if you don’t receive a similar gesture, it might just make you feel better about yourself as a mother!