Month: January 2011

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Getting bigger

I haven’t blogged about my kids in a while, it seems, and then they’re growing up so fast, I don’t know where to start!

This morning, Rachel used the couch to stand up for the first time! This is her last week, using the rocking chair (also the true first):

She’s still growing, but not quite as fast as she used to be. She was almost average sized at 4 months (a first for one of my children!), but at 6 (really 7) months, she was closer to the 35th percentile in weight. (Height was at the 98th percentile, but since she’s not abnormally long/tall, the doctor and I think that was probably a mis-measure.)

Rebecca is growing, too! She’s officially two and a half today. Lately she seems to be speaking much more clearly. For example, she doesn’t say “pea’ bu’ saas” but “peadut butter sammatch.” She still doesn’t say her r’s, favoring y’s and w’s instead. (“Diapehy” is a favorite of mine.)

She started having serious problems with bedhead, so I tried to get her to use scrunchies. If I did her hair “wike Tinkie Behww!” or to match mine (“We matsh?”), she was excited to let me touch her hair (a first!). I got her a few scrunchies at the dollar store last week, and she lets me do her hair almost every day now.

Hayden is learning new words. He likes to sound out words often these days (Last night: “G-g-g-gum. G! Gummmmm. M!”). He loves preschool, especially when it’s our turn to teach/host. He’s also experimenting with more photography, because he saw the Newborn Photographer I hired to take him pictures (revolving around his latest favorite toy) and self-portraiture.

Warning: extreme closeup!

I fear I’ve created a monster, though: last week, I showed him the folder of Internet bookmarks I had just for him. I showed him how to open the browser. I showed him which link (of the 2-3) led to PBS Kids games. And now all he wants to do is play on the computer! (We have a few rules, of course: he has to ask first and get off whenever we tell him to.) It’s a little annoying during a lot of the day, but makes for a quieter quiet time. (And Rebecca happily taking naps again is helping with that, too!)

I love that they’re growing and discovering new things ad getting more independent, but I’m always sad to feel their early childhood slipping away.

What milestones have your kids hit recently?

Categories
Fulfillment

Guest Post: Taking Time for Your Child’s Biggest Fan: You

The lunches are packed, the children are doing their homework and you’re wondering, “What else needs to be done?” These moments are perfect for stealing a little time just for you. Pick a 5, 10 or 15 minute solution or create your own.

  • In five minutes, you can wipe off a small to-do list item and get real gratification and calm knowing it’s complete. For example, as thank-you notes or birthday greetings pile up, steal five minutes to write your loved one a nice card. Doing this will remind you of what really matters and at the same time relieve some of the pressure that can come with a growing list of to-do’s.
  • Stealing 10 minutes to catch up with a friend on the phone can be very relaxing and give you a chance to feel connected, understood and considered. Be sure to manage expectations among your family members and let them know in advance that you are taking a private phone call with a friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile.
  • 15 minutes of me-time can do a whole lot of good for the mind and body. Try escaping to a quiet room and read your favorite book. Make this time truly special, nurture yourself with a cup of your favorite tea and snuggle up in your favorite chair under a warm light.

It might not sound like very much, but taking an “all-about-you” timeout from deadlines, carpools and after-school activities will give you more energy when homework and nighttime routines demand your full attention. Remember, taking care of yourself is taking care of your family too. You will feel relaxed, refreshed and ready to help your children with any challenges they are having, personally or academically.

This is a guest post from Kumon, the world’s largest after-school math and reading enrichment program that unlocks the potential of children so they can achieve more on their own. Connect with them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/kumon or Twitter at www.twitter.com/KumonNAmerica.

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

A little of both

I’m quoted today in “Of Tigers, Guilt and Beehive Mothers,” an LDS/Mormon response to the WSJ’s “Tiger mother” article on a Jewish website. Multicultural FTW!

When I was a freshman in college, one of our reading assignments was an essay by a woman diagnosed with Lupus. I took great offense at her thesis, which I remember as being something about God creating the good and the bad parts of everything.

I think what she meant to say was that because we live in a “fallen” world, we will always experience only a taste of the ultimate perfection, tempered with the tang of the poison. A little heavy, maybe, but ultimately the point.

In motherhood, we often get to experience these things side-by-side, the extremes of heaven and hell in a single day. I’ve come across several tales of this twinning lately, the manic depressive nature of the challenges of motherhood.

two faces of rachel

One minute, we’re on top of the world, juggling a passel of kids and our home and our hobbies and skills AND loving every second. (It’s so easy to love when you’re on top of it!) The next, suddenly all of those things are the burdens piled on our back.

I do this most days, when I go from cuddling a sleeping angel to refereeing the bickering ones. Or I plan and prepare three really fun activities that go really well—but spend ten minutes of extra prep snapping at my kids to back off until I’m ready.

And I know I’m not alone. Janelle at Regally Blonde recently posted about a single day where she had one of those sublime, blissful moments—and hours later, she’s wallowing in Poopageddon. My friend Shannon posted about this today, outlining the highs and lows so typical of motherhood, and how sometimes, dancing as fast as we can, we can bridge that gap.

I guess the point is just to keep dancing: keep trying to bridge the gap, striving for those sublime moments, reveling when they come—and holding onto them through Poopageddon.

How do you balance the extremes of motherhood? How do you keep those slices of heaven in mind when passing through the valley of the shadow of poop?

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Getting into the groove of gratitude

Almost a year ago, I attended a parenting class. Basically, the takeaway was to actually apply consequences to your children’s actions instead of just talking about them. (Which is a big old DUH—and an awful lot of work.) But the thing that’s really made a difference in our home was the teacher’s other point.

Last week, I came across the statistics backing this up again and I thought I’d share.

They say that children get a lot more negative messages than positive ones. Some of these are understandably necessary: no, you can’t have candy three meals a day; no, you can’t touch the hot stove; no, you can’t run into traffic. But can you imagine if you were told “no” as often as a four-year-old does?

(Yes, yes I can. “No, you can’t do what you want right now. No, everything anyone has ever told you won’t work to help this child. No, you can’t get the amount of rest that is physically necessary to your mental health and wellbeing.”)

Those feelings of negativity lead to frustration. Kids (and moms!) need more positive messages—research suggests as many as four to five positive messages per negative message. The positive messages can also serve as positive reinforcement to get your kids to do what you want (woot!).

So I’ve been working on giving my kids lots of positive reinforcement and messages for almost a year. I can’t say it’s been an amazing transformation and now they’re perfect angels—but I know that it’s making a difference to my kids.

I know because the simplest little things that I do for my kids sometimes prompt some familiar-sounding responses:

“Mom! You made me a sanwich! I never been so happy!”

“Mom! I so p’oud o’ you for getting my paper!”

But most importantly, I get to hear things like this:

“Dankoo for zip me up!”

“Thanks for picking that up!”

“Oh, thank you!”

And that’s a positive message every Mom could use.

What nice things do you recognize in your kids’ mouths?

Photo by Michele Truex