MamaBlogga

So last week, I received a spiritual impression that I need to try to be more engaged with my children. I knew it was the truth—I’d let myself get so caught up in what I want to do, and what I want to accomplish. When I get overwhelmed with my children—or my goals—I tend to retreat (usually into the computer).

Which doesn’t help anything.

After a really rough start to the week, I think I’m finally starting to do better. Yeah, the television was still on a lot of the morning, but this time I was sitting next to them or holding them and interacting with them. We finally turned off the television and went to look for the barking dog (out the window). And I didn’t touch the computer once from the time we came home from preschool to the time the kids went down for quiet time.

No, it hasn’t been a perfect day—there has still been some yelling and whining and man, how do you get them to stop hitting one another?!, but it’s still been the best day of the week.

About time I took my own advice .

How do you make an effort to be “engaged” with your children?

So I’ve been watching the Olympics (is it just me or does it feel like the entire coverage have been TiVoed?). Who hasn’t? And I’ve noticed there’s a big emphasis on parents, especially moms. There’s the shots of the moms as their children cross the finish lines, coverage of Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette’s devastating loss this week, Julia Mancuso’s “Thanks, Mom” on a commercial (and I think there are others), and probably biggest of all, there’s P&G’s slogan:

Proud sponsor of moms

The ads are super cute, but that slogan gets me. What does THAT entail? Do we get cash for slapping a P&G logo on our diaper bags? (I wish!!) Free cleaning supplies?

Of course not. While this isn’t a Motrin-gate-worthy ad, it does bug me a little. If we moms choose to use P&G products, we pay for that privilege. The slogan is just designed to capture more of our dollars. We’re certainly not getting anything out of this relationship (that we haven’t paid for).

Meanwhile, around here, we’ve been trying for years to accomplish something real for moms. We’ve worked to encourage one another and other moms and remind them how special they are and how important—vital—they are, no matter how thankless their job (or their families).

I haven’t always done the best job, and I know I’m not the only one doing it. I’m grateful for all the support I’ve gotten through this blog over the years. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only working for this, and I’m getting tired of waving this banner.

But I feel like we—the ones in the trenches—have to be our own sponsors. We all have to find our own ways to be happy, we have to find our own satisfaction—we have to make that choice.

What do you think? What does it mean to be a “sponsor of moms”?

I like to fill up my to-do list every day. Lately, I’ve been trying to keep the tasks manageable, and assigning time periods (this will take 15 minutes during quiet time; I’ll do this for an hour after the kids go to bed). Sticking to the plan can be a challenge, of course, but even just making the plan can help me focus and be more “productive.”

Yesterday, about 45 minutes into quiet time, I came back to the computer after the third time Hayden had called me back to his room for something. I hadn’t yet begun on my to do list (1 MamaBlogga post, 2 posts for my writing blog series on tension and suspense, finishing the book I’m reading), and I was ready to get down to business—but the second I sat down there was a knock at the door.

Sighing, I got up from my chair. I vowed that if this person was a salesman or a neighbor I could talk to later, I’d either not answer or extricate myself as quickly as possible.

But it wasn’t—it was my aunt and two of my cousins. They were in town for the day (they live 4 hours away, and I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I should). Of course I let them in. I could let a couple things go until tonight, right?

And then I decided to be flexible. I don’t see them that often (though they’ll be back in a few weeks), and neither does Hayden. I went and got Hayden from his room. He was so excited to see them that he talked constantly for the next hour. After all, they had to go shopping and head home; it wouldn’t be that long of a visit, and I could probably finish most of those things after they left or after bedtime.

Then I decided to be really flexible—nothing on my list had to be done today. We joined my aunt on her first excursion to Ikea (about 30 minutes away). Hayden got to play in the play place while we shopped, and a grand time was had by all (and we even found some useful stuff! I thought I’d be waiting months to get lingonberry jam to try a new recipe).

Sometimes I (and I think most of use) get so caught up in all that we want to do—with our days, with our week, with our lives—that it’s easy to overlook the opportunities to spend time together—to be a mom or a family. Yesterday I decided I wouldn’t do that. Yeah, I didn’t “achieve” anything, but sometimes it’s more important to connect than to accomplish.

Moms learn quickly that we have to be flexible—but sometimes, even within that flexibility, it’s easy to get very rigid. Structure is a fantastic thing—it helps us all know what to expect and can help us be happier together. But sometimes, we have to look beyond structure and bend a little further than we’re used to to find something even better. If we don’t bend every once in a while, something may come along that will push us too far—and then we’ll break.

What do you think? How has being flexible helped you be happier as a person and a mother?

Photo by dancer Dallagio

Update: speaking of looking back of the last year, Esther Elizabeth’s Saturday Evening Blog Post is asking for your favorite post of your own for 2009. I chose my post on how to choose happiness. What’s yours?

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever cared less about New Year’s Eve and Day. Ever. My husband spent the evening patrolling the parking lot at a local youth dance (10,000 youth were expected to attend and the organizers solicited several hundred chaperons) so I didn’t even get a kiss.

I’m also so over resolutions . But I suppose I can still take a look at my resolutions from last year and assess how I’ve done.

• Better prayer and scripture study (specifically a 30 minute scripture study/prayer time first thing in the morning). Eh, not really. I did do pretty well at making at least a page a day. Mid-year, in line with our local (stake) goal, I decided to read the whole Doctrine and Covenants by the end of the year and finished it in about 3-4 months reading 2 pages a day. I only missed a couple days and I completed the goal, so that was good.
• Run a 5K. I’m kind of shocked that I actually did this (along with my sister Jaime). I liked being in shape, but apparently not enough to maintain it. I think I’ll do another 5K this year (again, I must be insane), but probably not until September at the earliest.
• Eat more fruits and vegetables. I neglected this for a while mid-year, but in the fall I had some health issues come up and I had to start eating more veggies again. I wish we could eat a greater variety of vegetables . . . but we already eat almost everything we like. Maybe we’ll have to get more adventurous this year.
• Do more around the house. Yeah—no.
• Write tons a reasonable amount (specifically, finished the first draft of my latest MS at the time, get through the first drafts of two more MS and finish revisions on the two 2007 MS). Well, I finished almost all of this—I finished the first draft and revisions on the aforementioned manuscript and also drafted two more in 2009. I never did go back to the first MS from 2008; if I ever do, it will require heavy re-conceptualizing. I actually went even further than the goal—I submitted that one manuscript for publication. Also, I want to revise the resolution: three manuscripts in 365 days (nearly 250,000 words) is more than a reasonable amount for me.

And my most important resolution: I will choose happiness. That, of course, is ongoing, but something I both did well (since I focused on it), and continued to struggle with (especially with the ongoing health issue).

So several of those are things I’ll want to continue to work on this year (maybe). But most importantly, I want to work on the habit of choosing happiness—doing more to foster that attitude on a daily basis.

Resolutions are hard to keep because they’re not the same thing as goals. So this year, this is my attempt to start channeling my most important resolution(s?) into goals. (For a blast from the past, here’s my post on setting goals, specifically for your blog; I’ll have another one on my writing blog on Monday.) One of the things I need is to work on breaking down the amorphous “choose happiness” into more specific, concrete things I can do to remind myself of and strive toward that attitude.

What do you think? How can choosing happiness become a habit?

Photo by Neal (Visiting this local attraction was the fulfillment of one of his resolutions)

This year I’ve thought a lot about choosing happiness. I named it as my big resolution for the year and used it as the theme for a group writing project. Back in October, several pieces fell into place as I figured out how to choose happiness and why choosing it can seem so hard.

One more piece fell into place this week.

So back in October, I pointed out that

Choosing to be happy does not mean that we will automatically be happy all the time. It doesn’t mean we always choose whatever might make us happy right this second.

Choosing happiness means we choose the things we know are most important for our long term happiness. . . .

Choosing happiness means doing what I may not want to do most right now—it means choosing the thing that I know is right for me, what’s important in the long run.

The rest of my realization might not seem like much of an epiphany, but I think the last piece fell into place this week. I had my first true “White Christmas” this year—but it’s really not exciting. Yeah, I know I live in Utah, but I am already tired of the snow. It seems like it came to stay a lot earlier than normal (and I can’t ski this year, so there doesn’t seem to be an upside, either).

For Christmas Eve, however, I decided that one fun family thing we could do was to play in the snow (and the snow has been here basically all month, but we’ve never played in it, unless shoveling counts). So bundling up is a hassle, and you get cold and wet pretty fast, but I thought this would be a fun thing for all of us.

Of course, Ryan came down with a cold and Rebecca needed a nap, so it ended up just being me and Hayden tromping through the backyard, digging in the partially-refrozen snow, and throwing snowballs. (My very first one hit Hayden in the forehead and burst. He didn’t know what hit him!)

After about half an hour, I decided I’d had enough and brought us back in. After stripping out of our wet winter gear, I had Hayden help me put the cookie dough onto cookie sheets.

Sounds pretty idyllic, doesn’t it? For the most part, it was—there were fewer fits and screaming and begging and yelling during those hours than most of the ones of the previous week—the hours I spent worrying about getting shopping and packing and work done, and the time I spent on the computer procrastinating dealing with those things. It was a time I could spend enjoying him and enjoying being his mom.

The realization that hit me? Choosing happiness means choosing my children. It doesn’t mean that I am completely subjugated or I have to ignore all my own needs—but when I take the time to really work at being a mom, the whole family is happier—including me.

What do you think? What does choosing happiness mean for you?

Photo by Grant MacDonald

I’m thankful to be a mother because of my children. I love seeing their personalities emerge. I love seeing them discover new things and put together the pieces. I love helping them learn and grow. I love their hugs and kisses and the way their eyes light up when they see me.

Why are you thankful to be a mother?

Photo by Br Lawrence Lew, O.P.