Change: a constant of motherhood

I think Hayden was about eighteen months old when I was sure we’d found our perfect rhythm. He slept until such-and-such time, he napped from this-time to that-time, he liked to eat a, b, and c, we began his bedtime routine at X o’clock, etc.

Naturally, as soon as I was certain we’d found a comfortable holding pattern, Hayden changed. He’d spent weeks or months getting up at 9 AM, which afforded me the opportunity to get some work or housework done in peace. Suddenly, he began waking at 8, 7:30 or, one morning, 6:45. I was so frustrated at losing my time to sleep in or work quietly—to get a jump start on the day.

Finally, I began to see that I’d found a constant of motherhood: change.

It should have been obvious to me, but it wasn’t. As our children grow, they change, and they change our lives as parents, too. It’s as if we’ve begun a dance, almost—Hayden takes a step and I follow; I lead and he follows. He wakes up at 7, so do I. I put him to bed at 9 and he sleeps until 9:30.

But this dance isn’t a simple Fox Trot for two and a half minutes. It’s a week of Fox Trot, suddenly followed by two months of Waltz, then a few days of 5/4 time, and then some Swing mixed with Frugging. And in between those, you’re making up awkward transition steps.

The cause-and-effect isn’t always quite so neat, but for me the feeling of a careful balance between partners is almost tangible. Now we’re learning to dance with a third partner, which is a little weird, but hasn’t been too overwhelming (for the most part). The give-and-take is evolving yet again.

It’s hard to be flexible all the time, especially when you begin to find a routine that you can live with—or even like. But understanding that things do change and will change all the time in motherhood, especially with children so young, was my first step in adapting to the constant of motherhood—and in defining a “new normal.”

Part of the August GWP.