Dear Hayden,

Smiley guyThere are two things that I really do want to tell you.

The first: please don’t be embarrassed by the things I say about you and the pictures and videos I post of you. Ever.

I understand that you’ll be a teenager, but really, I promise, not every teenager has to go through the “everything my parents ever said, touched, did, thought and were is SO STUPID, I’d rather die than be their offspring—maybe I’m adopted?” phase. Or the “MOM!!! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT I BATHED NAKED AS A BABY!!!” phase. (But if you do get to be a teenager and are really embarrassed about these photos, we could see how embarrassing a photo of you fully clothed in the shower would be, yes?)

You are a very cute baby little boy. I know I tell you this every day, but you are pretty much the cutest boy ever in the world. Everyone agrees with me (except other moms, but that’s only because I’m too polite to ask them to confirm it 😉 ). I love to take pictures of you. In fact, we had a fun photo shoot just this morning, even though you were more likely to stick your tongue out than smile.

come hitherAnd to be honest, some days, I’m just too lazy (or too far behind on the laundry, which is a product of reason 1), to dress you—especially when I know you’ll just be dirty within minutes. Please just accept that you were a cute baby. I’ll try not to force your baby pictures on all your (girl)friends—but if they happen to come across them on the Internet, totally not my fault.

Speaking of the Internet, on to the second thing I want to tell you: please don’t think I don’t love you just because I sometimes talk about how difficult motherhood has been for me. First of all, in many ways motherhood is getting easier every day. Or almost every day.

I’m sorry that some days I’m not a very good mom. I’m sorry that I’m not patient. I do try—but sometimes that effort doesn’t kick in until after I’ve yelled at you or tried to set you somewhere far away from me so you’ll leave me alone.

But I do love you. And the difficulty of motherhood has only made my love you more. I’ve had to work so hard to get to this point, and sacrificing for and serving you has only made me love you more. I love you. I love holding you. I love being with you. I love watching you play and marvel at the games you invent.

tippy toes

The other day, I picked you up out of your crib. You’d been standing in there and were ready for me to come get you. As I picked you up, your little body remained in a rigid standing position. I pulled you close to me and thought, “I own a small human.” Because you are—you’re a small human: your own person—and you’re mine. At least for now. And I’m grateful to have the “now.”

artsy

Love,
Your mother

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15 thoughts on “Dear Hayden,

  1. How sweet! You sound like a great mommy! I just found your blog (and submitted a letter). How old is Hayden?

  2. Hey Lori,

    I got it and read it—and thought the same thing about you!

    Hayden will be 16 months on Sunday.

  3. What a sweet letter, Jordan! I’m sure Hayden already knows he has a great Mom. I need to write some letters to my girls. Thanks for the reminder.
    :)Smiles!

  4. Love this letter.

    As for the sentiment, I think you captured what I would write to my little guy… you just did it much more eloquently. ;]

    And, Hayden IS a seriously cute little boy. That’s just a fact.

  5. He looks so big! oh it makes me cry! I miss that boy so much. His legs look so chunky! Finally all that eating is paying off! He really does look like a big boy.

  6. Love the tippy toe photo!

    He has the most adorable little grin in the first one.
    You wrote a great letter to him. I liked the part where, Motherhood gets easier and easier, it really does, and as mothers we enjoy every single moment.
    Thanks for this writing project, I really enjoyed participating. Now I’ll have to write letters to my other children.

  7. I like to call myself the MAMArazzi whcih makes my husband the PAPArazzi. Needless to say that digital cameras have enabled us to go NUTS with the pictures! We are addicted to pictures of our kids:)

  8. I just got around to reading this beautiful loving letter Jordan.. you’ve got an adorable little bundle of joy there.. my bests with everything!

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