I came across this on a post about personal vs. professional blogs today:
I don’t personally think I’d trust a blog about parenting if the blogger revealed the names of their children! I’d think that blogger was exploitative. But someone else might think the opposite — that blabbing about your kids to virtual strangers is the only way to earn trust and develop a connection.
From time to time, I do regret using my son’s real name on my blog. (Or at least I’ve let you all think it’s his real name, Mwahahaha!) On the other hand, I’m confused as to why this would be “exploitative” (that would be pretentious-ese for ‘exploitive’). I once called my son by his “real name” in front of a complete stranger. That’s gotta break some law, right?
On the other hand, calling my son by his name has nothing to do with earning trust and developing a connection with you guys (no offense). I pretty much do it because when I started blogging it was all about letting my family know what Hayden was up to. But really, if you think about it, isn’t “blabbing about your kids” at the heart of almost every mom blog?
In fact, if I don’t see some mention of a blogger’s children somewhere, whether real names, pseudonyms or the stupidest nicknames I’ve ever heard, I’m pretty unlikely to trust his/her parenting advice. We all remember what it was like to have no kids and all the answers.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. And do you think that this:
is less exploitive than this?
I obscured his identity…
17 replies on “Hayden’s secret identity”
LOL this was fun! I have struggled with what to share and what not to share on my blog also. It is a hard thing.
I obviously ‘exploit’ my son but I don’t use his real name (although it would be quite easy to find out for regular readers of my blog).
I wonder if years down the track when these ‘exploited’ kids learn about lawsuits whether they will sue their blogging parents for talking about all manner of things.
Of course there’s things I don’t mention because I do keep in mind that one day my son will read my blog.
That’s a great post.
In the other blog I had, I used her pictures but I used a nickname…Then I thought that was stupid. I am paranoid and I didn’t want her face on there…So after discontinuing to post her face, I eventually changed blogs and came to my new space where I use a nickname and won’t post her face. I just feel it’s better protection. After all, she can’t control her image online and I can and I’m the ‘responsible’ parent…
I guess it all comes down to following your gut.
Interesting post!
When I started my blog, I had a handful of readers, all of them my family, so pictures of my kids, complete with their names was not at all a big deal.
I still use pictures of my kids. And *gasp* I use their names because I’ve always done so. If I stopped, my blog would be something completely different. And probably not even something I’d personally want to subscribe to if it were someone else’s blog.
The blogs I find most interesting are the ones that are personal, and have pictures. I hate text only blogs and don’t often go back to them.
Sounds like we’re in the same boat, Carla. I’ve seen it done many ways—crazy nicknames, pseudonyms, no pictures of faces (as JJ mentioned), no pictures at all, even the author writing under a pseudonym (very strange when trying to contact the author… “Dear Queen Superior Mom”?). If it works for your family, it will probably work for your audience, since the people that don’t like it will self-select.
I guess that I’m a little bit more paranoid than all of you. I refer to my kids, but don’t use their actual names. I show pictures, but not of their faces.
My kids are old enough to read my blog and use the Internet for themselves. One of our household Internet safety rules is: “never disclose personally identifiable information online.” It would be hard to them to adhere to that rule if I didn’t follow it myself.
I remember how shocked they were when I started publishing articles online under my real name. I had to explain that I do that only because I am a professional writer.
There are too many things that can happen to a kid online if the parents aren’t careful. Everything from cyberbullying to stalking to identity theft is out there and really happens.
Color me a bit paranoid when it comes to my kid’s safety. But what I feel is, better safe than sorry.
(This could all be because I live in an urban area where child abuse and missing children make the news almost every day.)
I don’t have a blog and I don’t have children but I think blurring out face and not disclosing first names is a bit of an overreaction. I think the focus on privacy and security for the family on the internet should center more around not revealing where you live and last names. I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of children named Hayden. He’s a toddler it’s not like his internet image is being screwed up by saying that he took their first steps last tuesday on their mother’s blog.
ps if you didn’t put pictures up of him I would be to’ed
My children are on my blog. I use their names. At the end of the day the internet is the least of my concerns.
When my son was in kindergarten a man approached the playground fence and offered him a puppy if my son were to meet him after school. Luckily I pick my son up everyday from school, and he told me about the incident as soon as he saw me. That is the kind of person I fear. Someone who is close by and has opportunity to access my children.
Your children come into contact with strangers all the time. The ones that stand behind you in line at the grocery store. They engage you and your children in conversation. “Oh, I bet you’re about 4 years old. Am I right? You look about 4 to me.” Now the door is open because either you or your child responds. “why yes she is 4.” “Do you go to preschool? I have a grandson that’s in preschool” He just said the magic words. Grandson. Now we know he is okay. And we will continue to offer up what we think are insignificant details about our child. Now a complete stranger knows your child’s name, age, quite possibly where they go to preschool. If this stranger is shopping at the same store as you chances are they live close by. The stranger has gained the confidence of the child because afterall mommy wouldn’t be speaking to a bad man.
It’s times like these when we need to be paying attention. But many of us would not give this type of interaction a second thought. Virtual monsters can’t hurt me. It’s the monsters that live next door that I worry about.
My thoughts exactly, Kymberlyn.
Great post, Jordan.
I have to say I totally agree with Kymberlyn. I asked Michelle at Scribbit about this very issue and she made a good point – any creep at the mall can take my daughter’s picture without my knowledge and permission and do whatever he/she wants to with it. Maybe I am making it easier for the creeps out there when I post the occasional picture of my daughter on my blog, but if I don’t know what happens to her image and she doesn’t know . . . is it exploiting her? Is it causing her harm? Like Kymberlyn said, there are many real-life, flesh-and-blood predators out there who have much easier and more harmful access to our children.
This was an interesting discussion and I have enjoyed reading the points of view on this. I debated it for quite sometime before starting to blog. I don’t use names, just first letters for now, but I do have pictures. Thanks for asking and allowing this discussion – it was nice to see it as a “friendly” chat!
i love those pictures. so cute. I personally am one of those unevolved types that does feel more connected to people when I see pictures. I’m quite visual. The nickname thing has been new to me this year. I still use real names because when i started blogging it was for friends and family in 2004! the blog world had not developed to the point it has today and I had no intention of meeting so many amazing people and loving them so much even though I had never met them in person. Those things did end up happening and my blog is what it is today and I did not at some point change everyone’s name. It has been in the last year that I have seen people start using nicknames and at first it confused me… now i get it and respect it, but it is unrealistic to change that aspect of my blog. great post jordan!
I enjoyed your post on this topic, too, MZ.
I appreciate everyone weighing in. It’s a tough choice, of course, and I don’t think there’s really a wrong answer if it’s what you, your family and your audience are comfortable with.
I started my blog as a way to update my familyabout my kids so from the very start I used their real names and posted pictures. I have a slightly larger readership (is that a real word?) now but it would seem strange to me to change the way I do things now. I’m not really worried about people seeing their pictures or knowing their names. There are bigger concerns in the real world. I agree 100% with what Kymberlyn said. I don’t worry about internet crazies, I worry about real world crazies.
I agree with Kymberlyn, but still don’t disclose names or share pictures of their faces on my public blog posts. Like Laura, my kids know about my blog and use the internet. I can share more than they can because I am an adult, but sharing really specific details that I wouldn’t them share with the public at large? It just doesn’t fit. Nor do they want me to. My oldest has made comments: “You’re showing everyone my picture?” No, just my friends, people I trust. “Why? Do you really know them?”
Exactly.
I do think I lose some potential readers because of this level of anonymity, but I have to live with that. I will snag the readers who enjoy my content and if I want more readers, I will have to step it up and have really consistent, amazing content. Which I don’t. Because it’s mostly brain-spew.
Well I use their real names..but I don’t feel I am exploiting them…
My dh goes on about how everything on the web is there forever…but that is the world they are growing up in and will no doubt be even weird cyber wise by the time they are adults.
But I don’t say this is blah and his last name is blah and we all live at…
This is something I often wondered about. I have been online 8yrs and have always used kids names and pictures (my son’s name is Hayden too)
It was always just a normal thing for me to do that I never worried about. I agree with everyone else who said that real life people are the ones that worry me much more than those online.