Like, probably, all of you, I have a number of friends who no longer have young children or any children at home. And like, probably, all of you, these friends often remind me that one day I won’t have my children at home—and I’ll miss it.
While I know that they’re right, I don’t know that hearing that makes it any easier now. On the days when I can’t get enough of my kids, knowing that one day they’ll leave me only makes me even more desperate to soak in as much as I can (which I was already doing).
On the days when Hayden wakes up 5, 6, or 7 times at night, pukes, refuses to try to nap, and wails/moans for me every 20-30 minutes, I’m a desperate for a very different reason, wishing that they were a little more correct in saying that these times are gone in an instant.
And since today is one of the latter, hearing that comment is less likely to make me smile and nod and more likely to make me bite my well-intentioned friend’s head off. (Probably a good thing none of these friends have come by today.)
How about you—does being reminded that these days are “fleeting treasures” help you or hurt you in your daily life?
4 replies on “Perspective or plague?”
I wouldn’t ever say they were “fleeting treasures”–it’s more like childbirth. You go through it because you have to. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable but when it’s over the results are terrific and when you look back you can remember that it was hard but you tend to remember only the joy at the end rather than every contraction. I imagine that much of life is like that–not much fun to endure but once it’s over then you’re on to the next thing. I’m 38 and of those 38 years only 10 have been spent with small children–in the grand scheme of things those small kid years are relatively brief–maybe 1/8th of your life?
Honestly I think it hurts my daily life more often than not. Either the boys and I are having a rough day that I can’t wait to end or those reminders make me think of how much improvement I need to be making. Like most moms, I set the bar waaaaay too high and being reminded of how fleeting this time of life is only adds to the stress of not being at the level I want to be yet.
Every so often though, those reminders cause me great joy in enjoying the moment. I wish I could think of it like that, more positively, instead of most often being disheartened by it. Because really, it can be a very inspiring thought.
I don’t have any personal experience, per se, but I did work with troubled teenagers for a year… and found that I constantly had to remind myself to live in the moment instead of just anticipating when things were going to get better. You know the drill. we sit there and think, ‘when such-and-such happens it’s going to be so much better’ or ‘just as soon as so-and-so moves out of our program things will calm down and we’ll have a good time’. Well, I found that I kept postponing my own happiness waiting for things to finally hit that ideal condition. They never did. I don’t work there any more, and sometimes I miss it, but in all honesty, it was definitely a TOUGH year of my life and I’m glad to have moved on. So, what I’m saying is, try to find happiness IN the journey, but be realistic and not hard on yourself if you and the kids have a rough day. And try to leave your friends’ heads attached to their necks. 😛
It hinders, I KNOW all that but when you’re “in the moment” with a screaming 2 yr old and a tattling 5 yr old well, kinda hard to swallow.
Sometimes I feel as though it’s made out to sound like I am not grateful for what I have and the person saying it is doing so out of self righteousness.
But I’m prickly like that:-)
By the way great pics from the birthday post above.