Yesterday we had Ryan’s brother and his girlfriend (Sean’s, not Ryan’s) over for dinner. Dinner turned out okay (I didn’t tell them this, but it was leftovers, but still good).
I really like Sean’s girlfriend. She always seems to “put together.” I’m not sure how exactly to describe what I mean by this. It’s not like she’s wearing a complicated-yet-perfectly-coordinated outfit that consists of six pieces and twelve accessories. She can wear a sweatshirt and jeans and still come off perfectly polished.
I, on the other hand, am never perfectly polished. I rarely wear more than eyeliner and mascara (for special occasions I’ll put on eye shadow; if I had a particularly bad night I’ll wear foundation under my eyes). I’ve used a blow dryer maybe once in the last 6 months. Most days, I don’t even give myself a grade of ‘good enough’ before leaving the bathroom.
I come by it honest: I have never been perfectly polished. All through high school I wore no make up, never did my hair (unless you count brushing it or putting it in a ponytail), and wore jeans and huge T shirts (hm… like the one I’m wearing now; except I’m still in gym clothes now. I have a huge polo shirt picked out for my ‘after shower’ outfit. If I get around to showering; it’s 3:30 now).
It was actually a big deal for my friends to see me dressed up in any way (skirt; shirt that actually fit; nice pants). (This was a little funny to me, since I’m actually not one of those people that hates getting dressed up. I’m completely comfortable in dresses and actually enjoy wearing them on all day long on Sundays.) Of course, I was getting up at 5:30 in the morning, but I don’t know if that counts as an excuse.
In college, I got a little better. The summer before college, somehow I chose a ‘medium’ T shirt. Surprise! It was actually almost flattering. When I left for college, I ditched most of my oversized T shirts. (My mother got them back to me last year. What an angel. I’m making a quilt.)
After my freshman year, I worked in a retail clothes store. Because I got a discount on the clothes (and was required to wear them during work), I bought quite a bit of clothing. I still have a couple of these items stuffed away in a drawer (see picture; I’m taller).
And that’s the closest I’ve ever been to fashionable.
Do I want to be fashionable? Do I want to feel polished and put together?
Obviously some part of me does, or I wouldn’t be writing this. And while I spend quite a bit of time watching makeover shows, I don’t think that I’m really bad enough to qualify for them.
I also like to think the problem is more of a combination of a lack of time and a complete unwillingness to spend money on myself. Yes, unless I’m at a thrift store, I am actually incapable of purchasing clothing for myself. (Sadly, the thrift stores around here are so picked over by local college students that it’s rarely worth going.)
On the other hand, I also feel like looking “put together” just isn’t me. Is looking disheveled ‘me’? I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to know.
Maybe I’ll finish thinking about this another day.