Tag: baby sleep

In case it’s been a while since you’ve been there, sleep is a pretty hot topic for new moms. Okay, it’s a pretty hot topic for all moms, but it’s especially dear to the heart of ones who are waking up two, three or seven times a night. (And as a note, that was me waking up seven times a night with Hayden when he was a year old. Thankfully, he sleeps through the night now.)

There is a good reason why this topic is so important to mothers who can’t get any sleep: we are programmed with an innate need for a minimum amount of sleep. As any new mom can tell you, go without sleep long enough and you can actually go insane. Check out at nican for more updates.

But losing sleep isn’t the only thing that can drive you crazy—when Hayden was little, it was just the thought that I would be passing another interrupted night of little sleep that could induce a near-anxiety attack at bedtime.

As I’ve mentioned before (a long time ago), there are several different schools of thought when it comes to issues like baby’s sleep. One school of thought is that you have to let the baby grow out of it naturally—letting a baby cry is cruel and damaging to their little psyche, so suck it up and deal with it. After all, we did sign up for this when we decided to have a baby.

I agree—a little. We did sign up for this when we decided to have a baby. At the same time, I do still consider my sleep a physical need, not a luxury, especially when I have to manage to be patient with a two-year-old during the day.

But as we have children, we do have to drastically alter our expectations of ourselves. When I had Hayden, I basically had to relearn how to get everything done. Now, I am again relearning how to do everything while juggling two kids who both want my attention and managing to keep the house livable (not clean, just not bad enough to get me sent to jail) and everyone else fed.

On the other hand, as parents it is our duty to teach our children to be capable, responsible, independent people. Part of this is learning to sleep. That’s right, learning to sleep. As any new mother can attest, sleeping is a learned skill that babies haven’t learned yet. Yes, we all have an inborn ability to sleep, but falling asleep and staying that way isn’t easy. Just ask Rebecca—it can take her up to six hours.

So we’re still working on learning this skill, but I still believe that it’s important to help a baby learn to sleep—and sleep through the night (after a certain point, of course). It’s not because I’m insensitive or I expect to get back to “normal” ASAP—it’s because it’s what will be best for all of us, now and in the long run.

Today is Rebecca’s monthiversary! Hooray! We’ve made it through month one—just another month or two through the hardest adjustment period, and we’re doing okay so far!

One thing that’s been a bit tough: Rebecca decided that that “fussy” period that most infants are supposed to have in the late afternoon/evening wouldn’t work for her. She rescheduled for for midnight to 1:30 AM. Ryan and I suffered.

Finally, we decided that one of us should get some sleep, and since I get to sleep in more than he does, I gave Ryan the first turn. He went to bed and I stayed up with Rebecca in case she cried as she had the last four nights.

And she slept absolutely, perfectly soundly through until I went to bed at 12:30.

Last night, for Ryan’s turn, he brought her in at 10:30, just as I was finishing getting ready for bed. She ate, she was fine, she was quiet.

And then we turned off the lights.

Can a one-month-old be afraid of the dark? Because that is apparently what sets her off—being in the dark. Once she finally settles down and goes to sleep, she’s okay, but until then, she’s freaked out.

Maybe I should start putting her in a dark room for one or two of her naps during the day time. Any other ideas?

As promised, here are my concept definitions (and very unPC stereotypes):

• Parent-centered: focus more on the parents’ needs, inconvenience the parents as little as possible and return to prebaby life ASAP. These are the parents who are back working 60 hours a week as soon as they can find a nanny. In their more candid moments, they admit their children are “speed bumps.” Their children are like any other accessories, toys or pets.
• Child-centered: focus more on the child’s needs. While the child-led camp may vociferously disagree, the child-centered school of thought believes (or fervently hopes!) that children can come first without parents coming dead last. Most parents, I think, fall in here.

• Child-led: Baby knows best. He’ll do everything when he’s ready and not a moment sooner. Anything else is cruel and bordering on child abuse. Oh, and selfish. Maybe you shouldn’t have had a child if you weren’t ready to come dead last.
• Parent-led: Mom & Dad know best (at the very least, they know what will drive them crazy the slowest). They guide the child’s nurturing and make the decisions. The more middle-of-the-road parent-led parents do this very gently. This area can overlap with the child-centered group. Yes, to the astonishment of some child-led parents, it’s possible for parents to guide a child’s upbringing while still focusing primarily on his needs. In fact, some parents believe that it’s imperative to guide a child to best fulfill his needs, such as shaping sleep habits so he can nap well and sleep through the night and get the rest that he needs. On the other end of the parent-led spectrum, there’s an overlap with parent-centered parenting.

Of course, some kids don’t respond to “parent-led” parenting. Or anything else, for that matter. So each of those four terms is a spectrum of its own, varying with the individual parents and children.

It’s a little obvious where I think I fall—in the areas without the ugly stereotypes.

As for me, I think I’ll start seeing things soon if I don’t get a full night’s sleep. But at least I don’t dread nights like I did when he was just a few weeks old. I guess that’s an improvement.

Hayden is eight months old today! Now, if only he’d sleep through the night.

When you have a baby, sleep becomes a big issue in your life. I’ve read a lot about it, though very little at 2 AM.

In that reading, I’ve found a spectrum of theories on babies’ sleep. At one end of the spectrum comes the theories where the onus is put on the mom: “You have to do something about” to “You should do something about it: to “You can do something about it.”

At the other end sounds like the laments of the been-there-done-that-failed-miserably crowd, starting with “You can’t do anything about it.” From there, the theories become more vehement: “You shouldn’t do anything about it” to the “He’ll grow out of it . . . eventually . . . or maybe not . . . just let him be him” to the downright militant “HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT CHANGING SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SWEET, PERFECT ANGEL FOR YOUR SELFISH PHYSICAL ‘NEEDS’ AND/OR CONVENIENCE?!?!?”

I think a lot of the proponents of that last group don’t understand that there can be a difference between child-led nurturing and child-centered nurturing. The people on the extreme “child-led” side seem to think that everyone else ascribes to parent-centered parenting: it’s all about the parents’ convenience and comfort. But I say that there are four different concepts that we’re talking about here—and they’re not mutually exclusive.

I’ll tell you about my four concepts tomorrow.