So I wonder if maybe sometimes we forget that we’re not the boss of everyone—especially other mothers.

Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t easy. True, some mothers love it and thrive in this role and truly find themselves in being a mother. But there are at least as many of us who don’t—those of us who stay at home because we believe that being with our children is paramount, that raising them ourselves is the most important, noble role that we could have, even if it’s very hard for us (and/or those of us who don’t care to work just to cover the cost of daycare).

But so many times, if we dare to mention any measure of dissatisfaction with the day-in day-out diaper and dinner duty, there’s someone around to tell us how horrible we must be. How we’re obviously doing something wrong. I get this on the blog a lot, most often in the vein of “Oh, if you hate being trapped at home so much, quit whining and liberate yourself. Go get a job and start contributing to society already.”

Okay, so it’s usually not said with a dismissive attitude. In fact, the commenter usually sounds like they really think they’re trying to be helpful. But the dismissiveness is there—they’re automatically dismissing my deep belief that being with my children is the most important thing I can do in my life, even if it’s hard/boring/overwhelming. If it isn’t making me happy right this minute, it must be wrong for me. Or I’m doing something wrong. And I couldn’t possibly have chosen something that I find this hard.

I know I’m not the only one who gets this “helpful” advice. On the blog A Number of Things, Erin faces the same kind of judgments:

As usual when I bring up my dissatisfaction with being solely a Stay-At-Home-Mom, I get a variety of responses, from encouragement to pursue a career and fulfill my own dreams at whatever cost to the polar opposite philosophy that a Christian woman has no business doing anything outside the home at all and ought to be happy and content filling her role as a wife and mother.

Can we just face it? Neither of these responses is helpful. Neither is constructive. Both are dismissive: the first we already discussed, and the second dismisses our sincere struggles (and insults the depths of our religious convictions).

This is what I want to do with this blog: I want to be able to validate SAHMs that struggle. I want to remind them that this is an important, worthwhile, contributing-to-society work—and as such, yes, it is hard. Sometimes gut-wrenchingly, mind-numbingly difficult. And it’s okay to acknowledge that. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you or your children.

At the same time, I don’t want to place guilt on mothers who have to or choose to work outside the home. We can all struggle with balance and fulfillment, and we all need that help. We have to support each other—and judging each others’ choices is counterproductive.

What do you think? How can we support one another? What kind of forum (an online forum, a blog, a Facebook group, etc.) would be the best way to gather mothers for support without judgment?

Photo credits: finger wagging—Teresia; support—Dimitris Papazimouris