MamaBlogga » defining-motherhood http://www.mamablogga.com mom's search for meaning Sat, 11 Feb 2012 07:25:08 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 The Taming of the Mom http://www.mamablogga.com/the-taming-of-the-mom/ http://www.mamablogga.com/the-taming-of-the-mom/#comments Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:11:51 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/the-taming-of-the-mom/ I have seen The Taming of the Shrew, I think, once (Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton version; I’ve seen 10 Things I Hate About You at least a few times, but somehow I don’t think that counts). There’s a production of Shrew at this year’s Utah Shakespearean Festival, and the feature in the Living section of the paper on Sunday was on the play.

If you’ve forgotten, the eponymous shrew is Katharina (Kate in this updated version), who is rather mean and abusive toward men, especially suitors. In the end, though, she is “tamed” and accepts one Petruchio as her husband (who gave as good as he got).

Katharina’s final soliloquy seems to show a drastic change in character (selection below for Shakespeare lovers) that explains why she would agree to marry (finally). The speech goes on about how hard husbands work for their wives and all husbands want is a little obedience and a kind look, and that’s not really asking that much, etc.

These lines are often ridiculed as an outdated view of marriage, clearly a product of their time that has no place in ours. And, of course, to an extent I agree that this oversimplified view of women’s subservience and subjugation isn’t a proper definition of marriage.

But what I found interesting was the actress’s (Melinda Parrett) take on the lines (emphasis added, source):

[I]n the contest of this production, Parrett finds Kate’s words moving and affirming.

“It’s not about losing yourself,” she said. “It’s about finding out who you are in relation to someone else. What I hear is that life is too short—love requires give and take, and we should simply relax and offer support to each other. I get choked up over it. It’s what I hope to feel someday.”

Although marriage and motherhood are usually related ;) , when I read that quotation I wasn’t thinking about my husband. I was thinking about becoming a mother. For my husband and me, despite a short courtship, the transition to marriage was . . . well, what transition? Do you mean moving in together?

But for me, the transition to motherhood was very hard, and, of necessity, very sudden. I struggled for months (and sometimes still struggle) to define myself as a person and not only as a mother. I often feared that anything that was once unique about me, anything that I enjoyed or valued as an individual, would be obliterated by the full-time obligation entailed in having a child.

“It’s not about losing yourself. It’s about finding out who you are in relation to someone else.” Certainly this applies to marriage, but in an even deeper way, it’s applied to me as a mother. In some ways, I do (or did) feel that I had to lose myself—but only to find a new self, someone who was not “just” a mother, not “only” a mother, not “solely” a mother.

Someone who was a mother and proud to be a mother—but was still me.

Did you find it difficult to “find out who you are in relation to someone else” when you married or became a mother?

From Katharina’s final soliloquy, The Taming of the Shrew, Act V:

A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready; may it do him ease.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/the-taming-of-the-mom/feed/ 6 September Group Writing Project Finale http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project-finale/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project-finale/#comments Mon, 10 Sep 2007 13:53:19 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project-finale/ With thirty-eight awesome entries (including one late one!), I’m happy to say that the September Group Writing Project has been excellent! I can’t say enough about the wonderful entries that we’ve read over the last week. Without making you wait a moment more, here is the final list of entries:

All of these great entries clearly took time and consideration. Read through them and find inspiration from mothers in all walks of life.

Now, feel free to spread the link love by copying the above list (instructions) and posting it to your own blog. Believe me—they all deserve it.

The Winna!
Chosen at random, I swear, the winner of our prize, a $30 Amazon.com gift certificate, is <drum roll>…

Motherhood is… by Papaya Mom

Congratulations, Papaya Mom, on not only winning the gift certificate (again, she was chosen at random!) but also on writing a wonderful entry! The gift certificate will be winging its way to you soon!

Still working on your entry? Even though we’ve awarded our prize, we’ll continue to accept, read, link to and comment on submissions through next week.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project-finale/feed/ 4 September GWP Day Five http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-five/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-five/#comments Sat, 08 Sep 2007 03:23:33 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-five/ Today concludes the September Group Writing Project. It’s been wonderful reading all your definitions of motherhood! For our last day, we have six seven more entries, bringing the total number of entries to 36 37, (which is just a few entries short of our all-time high).

Once again, we have some truly excellent entries today, so be sure to check them all out!

Thanks to everyone who has participated thusfar, and especially to those who’ve taken the effort to read and comment on all of these entries—some of you even before I could!

The official announcement will be on Monday, so stay tuned.

There’s still a couple hours left—if you hurry, you can still submit your entries!

* Tiffany, I tried to comment on your entry, but despite at least seven tries, I could never get the CAPTCHA right. But I wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and for participating!

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-five/feed/ 7 Motherhood isn’t . . . http://www.mamablogga.com/motherhood-isnt/ http://www.mamablogga.com/motherhood-isnt/#comments Fri, 07 Sep 2007 19:15:45 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/motherhood-isnt/ Motherhood is not, at its heart, about getting things done. To be sure, there are a lot of things that mother needs—or thinks she needs—to get done. Meal preparation, homework assistance, chauffeur service, vacuuming, and dishes—not to mention employment, a necessity for many mothers—absorb so much of a mother’s time that it’s very easy to let getting stuff done preoccupy our thoughts, our plans and our lives.

Preoccupy is the perfect word here. Our thoughts and our schedules are pre-occupied—they’re already filled And what are they filled with? So often, it’s just so much minutiae.

It’s minutiae that I often let get in the way of true motherhood. Cleaning is important, but not more important than enjoying my son. Cooking is important—we all gotta eat!—but not more important than being patient with my son. Even if he does have to be constantly underfoot while I’m in the kitchen.

It’s my attitude of “just let me finish what I need to do, and then I’ll be right with you (if I don’t have something else more pressing to do)” that gets in the way of all my positive mother attributes. (And I’m almost positive that I have some.)

Motherhood isn’t about getting it all done. There are no gold stars for keeping your floors spotless and your sink dish-free. A pristine home; a socially-, athletically-, and musically-active child; a four-course gourmet meal,—even a productive career—are all good things. But they shouldn’t be the sum total of motherhood, or even, ideally, the bulk of it.

Motherhood is not, at its heart, about doing. Motherhood is about being. Because motherhood isn’t just something you do; it’s who you are.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/motherhood-isnt/feed/ 13 September GWP Day Four http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-four/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-four/#comments Fri, 07 Sep 2007 04:07:05 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-four/ Are we winding down for the September Group Writing Project? We only have four five new entries for today (bringing the total to 29 30).

Oh well, low numbers, high quality!

Don’t forget to submit your entries! Tomorrow is the deadline!

Motherhood is . . . sacrifice. It’s change. It’s accommodating your child in so many innumerable ways.

It’s relearning how to do absolutely everything from going to the bathroom to showering to grocery shopping to working to thinking about yourself.

It’s knowing your child’s limits and doing your best never to push them.

It’s knowing your limits and doing your best not to let your kids push them.

But mostly it’s the mom who has to give, because she can and because she has so much more to give.

Motherhood is giving.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-four/feed/ 2 September GWP Day Three http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-three/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-three/#comments Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:05:59 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-three/ Seven more excellent definitions of motherhood bring out total count of entries for the September Group Writing Project to 25! As always, these entries are of the highest caliber. I’m so floored by many of your experiences (and some of them I feel as though we must be the same person—or, as a friend and I used to say, “we’re one pea in two pods!”). So please, read, comment and connect with other mothers once again!

And don’t forget to submit your posts—that deadline is coming right up!

Motherhood is . . . too much for me today. Just when I feel like I’m really beginning to get it, as though this is how my life should be, I have one of these days where I can’t stand for him to ignore me for the fourth time in a row, and every syllable from his mouth is a whine (met by my own, I’m sure!), and all he wants to do in the world is mess with anything that’s in my hands.

These days crush my sense of self; my self righteous indignation that I can’t just work on the computer for ten minutes while he eats, my desire to do something that isn’t watching his every movement, my need to get something accomplished are all crushed by his pitiful cries. He leans his head against the back of the chair and lets the tears fall unfettered.

I can’t leave him there to sob alone. I can’t let him think I don’t love him. Of course I love him. “I love you,” I tell him as I get him settled with dinner, “But. . . .” I stop myself. No. There’s no exception to my love. “No,” I finally finish for him. “I just love you.”

Some days, motherhood is hiding in the other room, listening to your baby noisily smack his lips and hoping that he’s eating just a little of the hot dog along with the ketchup.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-three/feed/ 3 September GWP Day Two http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-two/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-two/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2007 04:09:35 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-two/ Once again, we have nine excellent entries to share in the September Group Writing Project! Go read these great entries about the joy—and the sacrifice—that is motherhood!

And don’t forget to submit your entry today!

Motherhood is . . . a full time job. That works all three shifts. Every day. And weekends.

It’s acknowledging, with (or without) the crush of self-defeat, that it’s been three days since you’ve done dishes or laundry, and that hour number seven of television probably isn’t the best thing for your toddler. If only he’d learn to turn it off for you. . .

It’s the slow rise of accomplishment deep in your heart as you realize that you’ve worked hard to care for, provide for and enjoy your family—and you’re really on top of it (for now).

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-two/feed/ 1 September GWP Day One http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-one/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-one/#comments Tue, 04 Sep 2007 03:51:07 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-one/ Once again, we’re off to a great start with this month’s Group Writing Project! With nine entries today, this makes today the best day one ever!

Today’s entries reflect the wide range of experience that is motherhood. Some reflect the difficult times we all go through; some focus on the beautiful times we live for; many of them highlight both! Definitely read—and empathize with—all of today’s entries!

Don’t forget to submit your entries!

Motherhood is . . . actually smiling when you find your child’s book in the pantry, his ball in your bedroom and his hat on the couch.

]]> http://www.mamablogga.com/september-gwp-day-one/feed/ 3 September MamaBlogga Group Writing Project http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project/ http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project/#comments Mon, 03 Sep 2007 06:00:06 +0000 Jordan http://www.mamablogga.com/september-group-writing-project/ This writing project has ended. Please view the full list of wonderful entries at the September GWP Finale, and subscribe to MamaBlogga to find out about the next group writing project!

After May’s, June’s and July’s Group Writing Projects, were such a success, we’re gonna do it again. It’s time for the September MamaBlogga Group Writing Project!

The theme for the September Group Writing Project is “What is motherhood?” We’re writing about how we define motherhood. Feel free to go in any direction that appeals to you. Even if you don’t choose to participate, you can encourage others to participate!

  • Your post can take any form as long as it reflects this theme—this includes anything from serious to sarcastic, addressed to your mother, a mother figure, your mother-in-law, etc.
  • You can participate with a blog post, a podcast, a video, a page on your website, etc., etc. If you don’t have a website, contact me and I’ll be happy to publish your entry here on MamaBlogga.
  • Only NEW posts (i.e., posts have not been published prior to 3 September 2007) are eligible. Posts must be submitted through the submission form before Saturday, 6 September 2007.

Why participate?
There are lots of reasons to participate! All entries that meet the guidelines will be listed and linked to here on MamaBlogga. This an opportunity for you to discover new blogs (and for others to discover yours!). Last week, I came up with five ways to get the most out of the GWP.

And, of course, there is one more incentive: one lucky post author, drawn at random, will receive a $30 gift certificate to Amazon.com (to be announced Monday, 10 September 2007).

Finally, we’d appreciate it if you linked to this post or to the guidelines/submission form on your entry post so that others can learn about the project and participate.

Now get writing!

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