So I invited a couple friends and we went down to Chuck E. Cheese while Ryan and Hayden ran some errands. Once we were ready, Ryan blindfolded Hayden with a knit cap and drove him to CEC. Once they were in the doors, Ryan took off the hat—but the friends were still hiding.

When Hayden passed the kid check, finally we let the other kids run out and shout . . . okay, so they didn’t actually say “Surprise” but they ran out as a surprise.

Hayden . . . wasn’t that surprised? After about 10 seconds, he realized who these people were and was very excited. But it seemed like the biggest surprise was when he saw me with the camera—before he saw his friends.

Ah well. A surprise visit to Chuck E. Cheese makes any six-year-old’s birthday, right?

Have you ever thrown a surprise party for a little kid? How did it go?

Then I found this in his backpack: illustrated and written by Hayden himself.

It says “I ate spagetti.” AKA “I a A.” Note the table, plate, and fork in the picture.

So I promptly sat him down at the table and had him write a sentence, using two sight words, a word from a story we’d read that afternoon, and a word he could sound out.

Then we sounded out/practiced his full name on the back and left the note for Dad on his pillow. He was pretty pleased (and surprised!) to get it.

Sounding out bat black cat block cut                 pin pen pan cob cap cub cup pup up yup nap

Sight words like see can no go am he and at it yes I love you

challenge word: pumpkin

Sentence: I can see like you.

(The sight words came from a school list, and from words I know he knows already; everything else I made up. They’re working on sight words at school, which mystifies me to some extent. When I hear “sight words,” I assume you’d focus on words that aren’t phonetic, and then focus on phonics for the rest of the words. The first sight words Hayden learned [I, am, can, see, like] follow regular phonetic rules. While there’s definitely something to be said for the feeling of accomplishment at reading a whole word, it seems more worthwhile to focus on teaching broadly applicable phonetic rules. I mean, the only reason the kid can read is because I’ve been teaching him his vowel sounds. </rant>)

I’m suitably proud of him. I might be praising him a bit too much. The other night, after he put together a toy, he sighed in satisfaction and said under his breath, “I’m always a genius.” He turned to me and added more loudly, “I’m always thinkin’, Mom!”

Yep.

Riding to school (It’s just a couple blocks from door to door.)

Saying bye

(The little boy behind him is the one mentioned below)

Walking in

His teacher is the woman leading the line. Ryan said the yellow-shirted man had a college ID, so he might have been a student teacher? I didn’t see him today.

Naturally, Hayden can’t give me a minute-by-minute account of the day, but I’ve gathered that he got to play with play dough, draw a picture of himself, sit criss-cross apple sauce(d) on the multi color carpet with our neighbor in his class, make a new friend (Who greeted him today by saying, “Hey! You! With glasses!” and holding out his arms as if to say “DUUUH, I’m right HERE!” [Ack, I can't believe my son is "the one in the glasses!"]). Also, there are stars decorating the classroom. Hayden did his screening interview in this room, and at the time he asked if he could write his name on one of the stars hanging from the ceiling. He tells me he doesn’t have a desk, but a table. Tonight is his back to school night, so we’ll get a better idea of what school is really like.

But he was glad to see me at noon:

And I’m not sure when he picked this trick up, but this was the first I’d seen it:

Rachel slept the whole time. Rebecca loved having me to herself: yesterday, we played games, including one number game (the fourth one here), the entire time. I spent less than half an hour straightening up/on the computer. Today, we laid on the floor and snuggled for 2 hours while we watched Curious George and Toy Story. Every time I even sat up, she’d roll over and say in a perfectly innocent voice, “I thought you were going to duggle me.”

I think she needs a picture:

And Rachel, too. The first time she climbed up in the stroller on her own (I think):

She was very adventurous at the park after school today. She was very upset to leave!

Oh, and what you’re really wondering: how did I take it? Ryan actually took off work and we all went down together, and I teared up, but didn’t cry. My friend/neighbor (mother of Hayden’s friend) pointed out that this is kind of the beginning of the end: from here on out, our sphere of influence will only shrink in their lives. Ouch. But I still managed to keep it together. (Another friend’s son told her that “It was the worst day of my life because you left me,” so I think we all handled it pretty well, eh?) On the plus side, it’s amazing what a difference a few hours makes. He’s done preschool for two years, and still, not having him around and having Rachel down for a nap makes the house so much quieter (and cleaner). But I’m glad he’s still here in the afternoons.

Yep. Once they get these made, the kid’s got a life sentence. And (almost) clear vision, so we can’t complain too much. He picked out these frames himself. And for evening prayer, he prayed for his glasses to get here safely.

Rebecca saw this picture and laughed. “Why Hayden so c’asee?!” (Crazy) “Why do he weah he g’asses?”

I blame his daddy. Hayden holds the dubious honor of being the only child this optometrist examined for kindergarten screening this year who needed a full exam (and, thus, glasses). But that’s why we do these things, right?

How old were you when you got glasses? And if the answer is never, just wait.

“Mom, Rachel just smells like some weird vampire. Those guys are funky!”

“If you break this fourf wall . . .”

Hayden was playing with a truck and announced that it sold “Chocolate fondues!” Rebecca asked “I haf a chockit fonnu?”

Hayden pulled up a picture of Disney princesses on the Internet and called for Rebecca to come over to see “your favorite blog!”

I mentioned last week that Hayden rode bikes with the neighbors. Back and forth on the sidewalk. It’s cute how much they loved it. (It’s also been cold and rainy, so they haven’t had many chances to do this). Over the weekend, I walked Hayden and his bike across the street to play with the little girl his age over there. She got her scooter out and again, they rode back and forth on the sidewalk till we had to go in.

He needs a helmet and really likes his friend’s bell, so I started him on an incentive chart. He can get up to 4 smileys a day in each category: no whining/fits, be nice to sisters, obey quickly, and extra/misc. He’s just about got enough to earn his helmet (horrible that I made him earn his own vital safety equipment, I know—we did have one, but he’s outgrown it). Next on the list to earn: the bell!

He’s very excited about kindergarten in the fall. He’s working hard on his letters. We’re learning letter combinations now, including ck, sh, st and more—so Hayden has actually read his first words this month! (It was see, in case you’re wondering.) I’m so proud! He drew a cow (when we were learning “ow”):

I’m also proud of this adorable picture he drew of Rachel’s lovey, a caterpillar named Cally (both shown here).

He loves to create awesome buildings out of his block sets and cardboard boxes. We’re regularly impressed by the symmetry and balance of his creations. Here’s one of his buildings: the sign on the awning was dictated to me and our friend Brianna. It reads, “Hayden’s Toy Story 3 [it's a movie theater, but he and Rebecca insist they're showing Cars 2 on both screens]. Hayden’s Bookstore. Everything is $18. Hayden’s Fanciest Candy Store and Also Necklace Store.”

1. Our freedoms.
2. Those who have sacrificed (and are now sacrificing) to preserve those freedoms.
3. A day off!
4. Rachel going from hands and feet to just feet without support.
5. Craft store sales.
6. Ambitious art projects (I’m so NOT that, but I’m ready to try now!)
7. More exciting (and delicious) projects coming up for Wayward Girls’ Crafts
8. One (and only one) fun find at garage sales/thrift stores over the weekend.
9. Lining up the first teacher for the first class for my writer’s group!
10. Ryan putting Rachel to bed.

Today:

1. Finally, May-worthy weather!
2. Time at the park (even if we all got a little sunburned)
3. Takeout for dinner
4. Lining up more teachers for my writers group
5. Homemade doughnuts
6. Going to bed early! Seriously couldn’t keep my eyes open after 10:30 last night.
7. Rebecca’s imaginary toys at the park (which she told her daddy all about at dinner)
8. New friends for Hayden at the park.
9. Rachel said “Hi, Dada” three times this morning!
10. Man—just a great day!

Motherhood is a peculiar journey. We never know what our children will be like, what their future holds, nor how it will change our path in life.

I certainly never expected to have a child with mental disabilities. The last nine years have been filled with experiences I would never imagined could be a part of motherhood. But along with the frustrations and stress, there were many joyful moments of success and pride. There are a few lessons I’ve learned during this crazy journey called motherhood.

Love Yourself

The most important criteria of being a good mom is loving yourself. We give so much of our time and energy to our children that it’s easy to get burned out. Don’t be afraid to take time for a girls night out, a long soak in a hot, bubbly bath, or just some quiet time in your car with a drink and book. Whatever relaxes you or makes you happy, find a way to squeeze it in. I’ve had to pick and choose which hobbies or talents to make time for over the years.

For many years, I went once a month to a weekend scrapbooking event. Then my focus changed to writing, so I figured out some time during the week that I could take a few hours to go to a bookstore and write without munchkins pulling on me. If you take the time to decompress from the everyday routine of being a mama, then you will be a much happier person, mother, and wife.

Cross Perfection Off Your List

I used to get so discouraged after visiting a friends whose homes were always spotless. I felt like such a failure that I couldn’t keep up with all my mommy duties and housework like these other women I looked up to. But then, my Relief Society president gave a lesson one Sunday and told us that we needed to cross perfection off our lists. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only perfect being who ever lived on Earth. While we need to strive to keep the commandments and be good Christian women, having a spotless house, perfect highlights & nails, or the kids with the best grades are not things are not requirements to get into Heaven.

It’s perfectly fine to have mountains of laundry to wade through, toys strewn across your house, and be in desperate need of a haircut. In fact, its absolutely normal! In the last four years, I’ve rearranged my housework. Every Saturday, our family works together to clean the house. Everything gets picked up, vacuumed, and scrubbed. Then during the week, I try to do one or two loads of laundry each day—taking the weekends off. My laundry baskets are never empty and the weekend is the only time my house isn’t cluttered with toys, but I have so much less stress because I’ve accepted that our house isn’t perfect. It’s lived in and the family living there is happy and loved.

Laugh Often

Be quick to laugh, rather than get upset. This is actually difficult for me and I am constantly working on it. But our family is definitely happier when mom’s not a crank. Looking back at some of the most stressful mommy moments, I can see that when my hubby cracked jokes and made me laugh, I relaxed enough to think things through better. And my shoulders weren’t constantly tied up with tension knots. Shared laughter is something the whole family will remember forever.

One of my favorite quotes is “Live, Laugh, Love.”

Remember to live your life rather than be focused on perfection, share laughter with your family, and love yourself so you can give the best of yourself to your family.

About the Author
Danyelle Ferguson is the mother of four angels-in-training and the author of (dis)Abilities and the Gospel. You can find out more about her on her website: www.DanyelleFerguson.com or on her blog: www.QueenOfTheClan.com.

Photo of girl hugging herself by Evan Long

My favorites from Rebecca:

• ackshee . . . (actually)
• s’uw (sure, but without the sh. Or the r.)
• Kudaihav . . . ? (Could I have . . . ?)
• Pe-p’ease? (Pretty please?) (This just recently advanced from “Me-mease?”)
• Mayme we can . . . (Maybe—Rebecca is generating alternatives)
• F’iends (Friends)

But I think the most surprising recent words were this:

Last night at dinner, we were talking about our visit with Nana (my mom). I asked my son Hayden what his favorite part of the visit was. He decided his favorite part was getting new blocks from Nana.

“Here’s the backstory,” he said. And he proceeded to explain in great detail the shopping trip a week ago when we bought the new blocks.

“It’s great on so many levels,” he concluded.

(!!)

What are your favorite kid phrases?

Happiness. We all want it. And yet it seems to elude us the more we think about it.

I think that it’s really easy to overthink happiness. Happiness is a choice, an attitude, but mostly for me it means focusing not on myself and what I want to do, but what I know is most important: my family.

This was a big take home lesson for me a couple years ago as I thought about how to choose happiness:

Choosing to be happy does not mean that we will automatically be happy all the time. It doesn’t mean we always choose whatever might make us happy right this second.

Choosing happiness means we choose the things we know are most important for our long term happiness. . . .

Choosing happiness means doing what I may not want to do most right now—it means choosing the thing that I know is right for me, what’s important in the long run.

My conclusion is something I still need to work on: “Choosing happiness means choosing my children. It doesn’t mean that I am completely subjugated or I have to ignore all my own needs—but when I take the time to really work at being a mom, the whole family is happier—including me.”

What do you think? What is happiness to you?