MamaBlogga

By Danyelle Ferguson

Motherhood is a peculiar journey. We never know what our children will be like, what their future holds, nor how it will change our path in life.

I certainly never expected to have a child with mental disabilities. The last nine years have been filled with experiences I would never imagined could be a part of motherhood. But along with the frustrations and stress, there were many joyful moments of success and pride. There are a few lessons I’ve learned during this crazy journey called motherhood.

Love Yourself

The most important criteria of being a good mom is loving yourself. We give so much of our time and energy to our children that it’s easy to get burned out. Don’t be afraid to take time for a girls night out, a long soak in a hot, bubbly bath, or just some quiet time in your car with a drink and book. Whatever relaxes you or makes you happy, find a way to squeeze it in. I’ve had to pick and choose which hobbies or talents to make time for over the years.

For many years, I went once a month to a weekend scrapbooking event. Then my focus changed to writing, so I figured out some time during the week that I could take a few hours to go to a bookstore and write without munchkins pulling on me. If you take the time to decompress from the everyday routine of being a mama, then you will be a much happier person, mother, and wife.

Cross Perfection Off Your List

I used to get so discouraged after visiting a friends whose homes were always spotless. I felt like such a failure that I couldn’t keep up with all my mommy duties and housework like these other women I looked up to. But then, my Relief Society president gave a lesson one Sunday and told us that we needed to cross perfection off our lists. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only perfect being who ever lived on Earth. While we need to strive to keep the commandments and be good Christian women, having a spotless house, perfect highlights & nails, or the kids with the best grades are not things are not requirements to get into Heaven.

It’s perfectly fine to have mountains of laundry to wade through, toys strewn across your house, and be in desperate need of a haircut. In fact, its absolutely normal! In the last four years, I’ve rearranged my housework. Every Saturday, our family works together to clean the house. Everything gets picked up, vacuumed, and scrubbed. Then during the week, I try to do one or two loads of laundry each day—taking the weekends off. My laundry baskets are never empty and the weekend is the only time my house isn’t cluttered with toys, but I have so much less stress because I’ve accepted that our house isn’t perfect. It’s lived in and the family living there is happy and loved.

Laugh Often

Be quick to laugh, rather than get upset. This is actually difficult for me and I am constantly working on it. But our family is definitely happier when mom’s not a crank. Looking back at some of the most stressful mommy moments, I can see that when my hubby cracked jokes and made me laugh, I relaxed enough to think things through better. And my shoulders weren’t constantly tied up with tension knots. Shared laughter is something the whole family will remember forever.

One of my favorite quotes is “Live, Laugh, Love.”

Remember to live your life rather than be focused on perfection, share laughter with your family, and love yourself so you can give the best of yourself to your family.

About the Author
Danyelle Ferguson is the mother of four angels-in-training and the author of (dis)Abilities and the Gospel. You can find out more about her on her website: www.DanyelleFerguson.com or on her blog: www.QueenOfTheClan.com.

Photo of girl hugging herself by Evan Long

I love the new phrases little kids use!

My favorites from Rebecca:

• ackshee . . . (actually)
• s’uw (sure, but without the sh. Or the r.)
• Kudaihav . . . ? (Could I have . . . ?)
• Pe-p’ease? (Pretty please?) (This just recently advanced from “Me-mease?”)
• Mayme we can . . . (Maybe—Rebecca is generating alternatives)
• F’iends (Friends)

But I think the most surprising recent words were this:

Last night at dinner, we were talking about our visit with Nana (my mom). I asked my son Hayden what his favorite part of the visit was. He decided his favorite part was getting new blocks from Nana.

“Here’s the backstory,” he said. And he proceeded to explain in great detail the shopping trip a week ago when we bought the new blocks.

“It’s great on so many levels,” he concluded.

(!!)

What are your favorite kid phrases?

What can I say? They’re a lot of work, but in spite of (or because of) it, I love them!

But perhaps most importantly, H is for this guy:

Happiness. We all want it. And yet it seems to elude us the more we think about it.

I think that it’s really easy to overthink happiness. Happiness is a choice, an attitude, but mostly for me it means focusing not on myself and what I want to do, but what I know is most important: my family.

This was a big take home lesson for me a couple years ago as I thought about how to choose happiness:

Choosing to be happy does not mean that we will automatically be happy all the time. It doesn’t mean we always choose whatever might make us happy right this second.

Choosing happiness means we choose the things we know are most important for our long term happiness. . . .

Choosing happiness means doing what I may not want to do most right now—it means choosing the thing that I know is right for me, what’s important in the long run.

My conclusion is something I still need to work on: “Choosing happiness means choosing my children. It doesn’t mean that I am completely subjugated or I have to ignore all my own needs—but when I take the time to really work at being a mom, the whole family is happier—including me.”

What do you think? What is happiness to you?

Hayden turned five yesterday! We had a little party with his preschool class, complete with s’more cupcakes (mmmmmmmmmmm).

The first thing he got for his birthday wasn’t really planned, but I had to make a quick run and happened to ask if he was old enough, and he was:

His first library card!

He insisted on checking out my books for me. I let him enter his own PIN on the touchscreen at checkout. He was very happy. (He was also quite proud of the map the librarian gave him. I was quite proud that he printed his first name himself.)

He got the Pillow Pet (or Piwpet, as Rebecca calls hers) he’s been wanting since before Christmas, and the “mo-trol” car (remote control) he’s been wanting since he played with his cousin’s at New Year’s, as well as some awesome building toys that he’s already hard at work with. (He’s built a two foot tall crane on the dining room table!)

Also fun: Aunt Jasmine is visiting!

In the last week, Rebecca turned 2.5, Ryan turned… another year older, Hayden turned 5 and Rachel will be 8 months tomorrow. Me, I’m just a loser .

I haven’t blogged about my kids in a while, it seems, and then they’re growing up so fast, I don’t know where to start!

This morning, Rachel used the couch to stand up for the first time! This is her last week, using the rocking chair (also the true first):

She’s still growing, but not quite as fast as she used to be. She was almost average sized at 4 months (a first for one of my children!), but at 6 (really 7) months, she was closer to the 35th percentile in weight. (Height was at the 98th percentile, but since she’s not abnormally long/tall, the doctor and I think that was probably a mis-measure.)

Rebecca is growing, too! She’s officially two and a half today. Lately she seems to be speaking much more clearly. For example, she doesn’t say “pea’ bu’ saas” but “peadut butter sammatch.” She still doesn’t say her r’s, favoring y’s and w’s instead. (“Diapehy” is a favorite of mine.)

She started having serious problems with bedhead, so I tried to get her to use scrunchies. If I did her hair “wike Tinkie Behww!” or to match mine (“We matsh?”), she was excited to let me touch her hair (a first!). I got her a few scrunchies at the dollar store last week, and she lets me do her hair almost every day now.

Hayden is learning new words. He likes to sound out words often these days (Last night: “G-g-g-gum. G! Gummmmm. M!”). He loves preschool, especially when it’s our turn to teach/host. He’s also experimenting with more photography (revolving around his latest favorite toy) and self-portraiture.

Warning: extreme closeup!

I fear I’ve created a monster, though: last week, I showed him the folder of Internet bookmarks I had just for him. I showed him how to open the browser. I showed him which link (of the 2-3) led to PBS Kids games. And now all he wants to do is play on the computer! (We have a few rules, of course: he has to ask first and get off whenever we tell him to.) It’s a little annoying during a lot of the day, but makes for a quieter quiet time. (And Rebecca happily taking naps again is helping with that, too!)

I love that they’re growing and discovering new things ad getting more independent, but I’m always sad to feel their early childhood slipping away.

What milestones have your kids hit recently?