Tag: humor

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Kids/Parenting

Rachel has adopted

Hayden is very interested about when Rebecca and Rachel will have babies. I have tried to convince him it will not be for a long time (I’m hoping around 20 years here), but he still brings it up from time to time.

Both girls do love to play with baby dolls and stuffed animals. My in-laws just gave Rachel a stuffed caterpillar that’s a miniature version of her lovey, “Callie” (they didn’t actually know about Callie). We call the little one “Baby Callie,” because we’re imaginative like that.

But today, before and after her nap, Rachel has adopted a new favorite:

Yes, a book. But what book?

Oookay. She also bawled for twenty minutes when Rebecca took it from her (and started screaming when I took it to turn it around). I think she hadn’t quite gotten through it yet. But she does like the sound of flipping the pages.

(I don’t know why I have this book.)

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Manly man

I’m the oldest of four daughters. While we were growing up, my dad would often (i.e. at least weekly) encourage us to eat some portion of our dinner with the promise, “It’ll put hair on your chest!”

As you can imagine, this didn’t really motivate us.

We were just on vacation at my parents’ house (home again; feels so good not to have that trek hanging over my head!). Hayden was reluctant to eat his Venetian pasta rolls. My dad hastened to assure him, “It’ll put hair on your chest!”

My brother-in-law joined in. “You want a hairy chest, don’t you? Like Papa, right?” (My dad.) “Like Daddy?”

“Yeah,” Hayden said. “Papa has a hairy chest. So does my dad.” He dropped his voice to a mutter. “So does my mom.”

Hayden with two of his faves: Papa and the iPad

At the time, I knew anything I said would’ve made it worse. But I think I missed the obvious punchline:

“See? It works!”

What silly phrases from your childhood come back to haunt you?

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. (psychological warfare of attrition)

It happens almost every day and almost every week. About the 18,000th sentence beginning with or consisting entirely of “Mom?”, something inside just snaps.

I know I’m not the only one being smothered with an endless chorus of requests, information, statements, status checks, questions, and, let’s be honest, stalling while a child thinks of something they wanted to say.

It doesn’t matter if there are 28 other adults in the room capable of getting that glass of water, or if Daddy is already holding the cup—seriously, I think they think every question/sentence has to begin with “Mom.” Like, it’s not grammatically complete without “Mom” in it.

(Hint: it doesn’t, and it is.)

As I’ve written this and made the lovely illustrative graphic, without exaggerating, I can safely say my kids have called my name 10 times, and asked for one nonspecific thing. My favorite was when Rebecca was sitting next to me and said “Mom . . . But, Mom. . . . But, Mom . . . But, Mom—I bettay sit atta table.”

I know they’re not purposefully trying to wear me out—it’s just a happy coincidence that I end each day three “Mom?”s away from a psychotic break.

Maybe I should stop encouraging Rachel to learn to say “Mama.”

What do your kids do over and over and over and over ad nauseam, ad infinitum, ad delirium, ad mortem?

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Guest post: Motherhood Lessons

By Danyelle Ferguson

Motherhood is a peculiar journey. We never know what our children will be like, what their future holds, nor how it will change our path in life.

I certainly never expected to have a child with mental disabilities. The last nine years have been filled with experiences I would never imagined could be a part of motherhood. But along with the frustrations and stress, there were many joyful moments of success and pride. There are a few lessons I’ve learned during this crazy journey called motherhood.

Love Yourself

The most important criteria of being a good mom is loving yourself. We give so much of our time and energy to our children that it’s easy to get burned out. Don’t be afraid to take time for a girls night out, a long soak in a hot, bubbly bath, or just some quiet time in your car with a drink and book. Whatever relaxes you or makes you happy, find a way to squeeze it in. I’ve had to pick and choose which hobbies or talents to make time for over the years.

For many years, I went once a month to a weekend scrapbooking event. Then my focus changed to writing, so I figured out some time during the week that I could take a few hours to go to a bookstore and write without munchkins pulling on me. If you take the time to decompress from the everyday routine of being a mama, then you will be a much happier person, mother, and wife.

Cross Perfection Off Your List

I used to get so discouraged after visiting a friends whose homes were always spotless. I felt like such a failure that I couldn’t keep up with all my mommy duties and housework like these other women I looked up to. But then, my Relief Society president gave a lesson one Sunday and told us that we needed to cross perfection off our lists. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only perfect being who ever lived on Earth. While we need to strive to keep the commandments and be good Christian women, having a spotless house, perfect highlights & nails, or the kids with the best grades are not things are not requirements to get into Heaven.

It’s perfectly fine to have mountains of laundry to wade through, toys strewn across your house, and be in desperate need of a haircut. In fact, its absolutely normal! In the last four years, I’ve rearranged my housework. Every Saturday, our family works together to clean the house. Everything gets picked up, vacuumed, and scrubbed. Then during the week, I try to do one or two loads of laundry each day—taking the weekends off. My laundry baskets are never empty and the weekend is the only time my house isn’t cluttered with toys, but I have so much less stress because I’ve accepted that our house isn’t perfect. It’s lived in and the family living there is happy and loved.

Laugh Often

Be quick to laugh, rather than get upset. This is actually difficult for me and I am constantly working on it. But our family is definitely happier when mom’s not a crank. 🙂 Looking back at some of the most stressful mommy moments, I can see that when my hubby cracked jokes and made me laugh, I relaxed enough to think things through better. And my shoulders weren’t constantly tied up with tension knots. Shared laughter is something the whole family will remember forever.

One of my favorite quotes is “Live, Laugh, Love.”

Remember to live your life rather than be focused on perfection, share laughter with your family, and love yourself so you can give the best of yourself to your family.

About the Author
Danyelle Ferguson is the mother of four angels-in-training and the author of (dis)Abilities and the Gospel. You can find out more about her on her website: www.DanyelleFerguson.com or on her blog: www.QueenOfTheClan.com.

Photo of girl hugging herself by Evan Long

Categories
Kids/Parenting

My kids the comedians

Hayden came in my room the other morning. He held up one hand, and held his other hand in a claw shape, running his fingers up and down his upright palm. “Do you know what this is?”

I didn’t know whether he’d ever heard of “a spider doing push ups on a mirror,” but he did just hear the brain sucker joke the other day . . . but apparently I hesitated too long because he just told me.

“It’s my hand scratching my other hand.”

One of Rebecca’s favorite foods (and there are only a few she likes at all) is peanut butter. She knows where to find the knives.

The other day she brought me a butter knife and something from the shelf where we keep peanut butter. In the end, she didn’t like the prunes.

Rachel found her feet!

Things I’d hoped would never be uttered in my house:

“No, we can’t eat POOP!”

“That fly just landed on Rebecca’s diaper. Oh—then it keeled over.”

Hayden and I were grocery shopping a few weeks ago. As usual, he asked for something on just about every aisle. Twice. Three times. I unflinchingly said no.

Finally, Hayden had had enough. “Why do you always say no?”

“Because it’s my favorite word,” I quickly replied.

“Well, my favorite word is yes.”

“Great—so, if I told you to clean the whole house when we get home, you’d say yes?”

He only hesitated a second before he said, “Yes!”

Sadly, I decided quiet time was more important than enforcing our child labor contract.

Share your cute kid stories!

Categories
Fulfillment

8 Reasons Why Moms Hate Mother’s Day

Mother’s day began with only the best intentions. But, let’s face it, it can be a really rough day for moms, even if they get the day off from dishes and laundry. Here’s why

1. Make one day of the year that special day we all remember our mothers, and it’s okay to forget them the other 364 days. (And bonus on leap years!)

2. No matter how hard you try to keep your expectations low, your children still act like they do every other day of the year—disobeying, fighting, crying and sloughing off. Even though it’s your “special day.” (Is it just that they don’t care, or do they actually hate you? Maybe their therapists know.)

3. Everyone shares stories about the most wonderful mother in the history of creation (usually theirs), reminding us once again that we SOOO are not that. Even though it’ll probably be our kids saying those same things in 20 years.

4. Major takehome of Mother’s day: whatever the heck it is moms do all day/year long, it’s roughly equivalent to the value of a bouquet, a card, and one day off a year. Or half a day.

5. An alarming percentage of women who are now mothers have “an issue” with their own mothers. I don’t really get this one, but whenever I did a group writing project about mothers, I had people tell me they couldn’t participate because of this. And, thus, celebrating motherhood is bad.

6. The perceived emotional negativity of every little argument with you is enhanced approximately 10,000% because it’s the one and only day of the year they’re supposed to be thinking of you.

7. Our four-year-olds with the I-can’ts will doubtlessly refuse to join in singing one measly little not-even-very-mother-oriented song in church. Even though we completely expected this, and spent the whole week trying to encourage and prepare him, it will still hurt. Of course, it hurts a lot worse when the second the song is over, he throws a tantrum because he wants to go on the stand (to sit with his dad, best of all). And it’s even better when he smacks his sister with a book 10 minutes later and you have to drag two crying children out of the chapel again. But then you just have to laugh. Because Mother’s day sucks.

8. Inevitably, some well-meaning person (usually a man) suggests we should do this every day. No. Please.

Um… no personal experience in there or anything.

Had a disappointing—or hilarious—Mother’s day? Share—because sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Photo by Chris A