Categories
Kids/Parenting

Right from wrong

Dear Mom,

Thank you for teaching us right from wrong. It’s so easy these days to let children and teenagers just do whatever they want. I see it all the time. Everything from letting children run wild in public places, trample strangers and ignore basic courtesies to passively allowing teenagers to engage in any behavior they think will make them happy. “Standards are antequated,” everyone seems to say today. “Kids are going to do what they want anyway.”

While some teenagers and children will always do what they want no matter what you say or do, that doesn’t mean that we should just give up and let our children run amuck. Just because a child or teenager wants to do something or thinks that it will make him or her happy in the short run doesn’t mean it’s actually a good idea.

And my mom knows all this. She knows the pressures of raising teenagers today—just six years ago, she had four daughters at home. We didn’t grow up in some idyllic time when it was easy for teens to choose the right. We dealt with pressures and my mother did everything in her power to steel us against them.

And she did quite well. To date, my three sisters and I have yet to make the big, life-altering bad choices that I’m so very afraid my children will make one day. When my mother was asked to teach a class on coping with children who go astray at a church women’s conference, she told me with visible mirth—it was the third year in a row she was teaching a class on something she felt she had little personal experience with.

And it’s not a coincidence. My mom didn’t just end up with good ones. That contributed to this outcome, certainly, but without proper standards instilled in our minds and our hearts, even good children wouldn’t have made the same choices we did. I also think that having these standards rooted in something concrete to us, our religion, reinforced them in a way that an amorphous “you should do this because it’s right/it’s for your own good/I said so” never could.

So thank you, Mom, for what was probably one of the most important gifts you’ve given to us. I know sometimes it was hard and my reactions to the rules (not the rules themselves, as I almost wrote) strained our relationship from time to time. But honestly, looking back, sometimes I wish the rules had been stricter.

Thank you for caring about us enough to work so hard to instill core values in us. And thanks especially for proving to me that it can be done, even in this day and age, and that it’s worth it.

Love,
Jordan

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment Contests

Dear Hayden,

Smiley guyThere are two things that I really do want to tell you.

The first: please don’t be embarrassed by the things I say about you and the pictures and videos I post of you. Ever.

I understand that you’ll be a teenager, but really, I promise, not every teenager has to go through the “everything my parents ever said, touched, did, thought and were is SO STUPID, I’d rather die than be their offspring—maybe I’m adopted?” phase. Or the “MOM!!! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT I BATHED NAKED AS A BABY!!!” phase. (But if you do get to be a teenager and are really embarrassed about these photos, we could see how embarrassing a photo of you fully clothed in the shower would be, yes?)

You are a very cute baby little boy. I know I tell you this every day, but you are pretty much the cutest boy ever in the world. Everyone agrees with me (except other moms, but that’s only because I’m too polite to ask them to confirm it 😉 ). I love to take pictures of you. In fact, we had a fun photo shoot just this morning, even though you were more likely to stick your tongue out than smile.

come hitherAnd to be honest, some days, I’m just too lazy (or too far behind on the laundry, which is a product of reason 1), to dress you—especially when I know you’ll just be dirty within minutes. Please just accept that you were a cute baby. I’ll try not to force your baby pictures on all your (girl)friends—but if they happen to come across them on the Internet, totally not my fault.

Speaking of the Internet, on to the second thing I want to tell you: please don’t think I don’t love you just because I sometimes talk about how difficult motherhood has been for me. First of all, in many ways motherhood is getting easier every day. Or almost every day.

I’m sorry that some days I’m not a very good mom. I’m sorry that I’m not patient. I do try—but sometimes that effort doesn’t kick in until after I’ve yelled at you or tried to set you somewhere far away from me so you’ll leave me alone.

But I do love you. And the difficulty of motherhood has only made my love you more. I’ve had to work so hard to get to this point, and sacrificing for and serving you has only made me love you more. I love you. I love holding you. I love being with you. I love watching you play and marvel at the games you invent.

tippy toes

The other day, I picked you up out of your crib. You’d been standing in there and were ready for me to come get you. As I picked you up, your little body remained in a rigid standing position. I pulled you close to me and thought, “I own a small human.” Because you are—you’re a small human: your own person—and you’re mine. At least for now. And I’m grateful to have the “now.”

artsy

Love,
Your mother

Categories
Random

Why is my name so difficult for you to understand?

Dear Dry Cleaner Lady,

You seemed intelligent enough, so I’ll put this gently. It’s Jordan. I used to get Jordon a lot. I’ve gotten used to that one. I know the girl on American Idol spells it Jordin. Heck, the girl working at the grocery store spells it Jordyn. My great grandma made me a piggy bank when I was born and spelled my name Jorden.

And yet, it’s Jordan. Like in the Bible. And the River Jordan. And the sovereign state. It’s been in the top 100 most popular girls’ names for 18 years (top 100 boys’ names, 25 years). Better yet, the English form is from the Latin Jordanus. LATIN. Do you know how old that language is? Yeah, it’s thousands of years old. Spelled with an a.

So, for future reference, it’s probably safe to assume that it’s spelled Jordan, no matter what happens on American Idol.

Sincerely,
Jordan


Dear One Third of the People I Have to Introduce Myself To,

Jorda? You seriously thought I said my name was Jorda? What is that, some sort of speech-impaired version of Georgia? JordaN. N. Now I don’t even care what vowel the lady at the dry cleaner used; this is a major consonant here! In fact, it’s an entire syllable of my name that you didn’t even come close on.

Did you get bored halfway through my terribly long and uninteresting name and decide to tune me out? I know it does take nearly one second to say my name. I apologize.

The thing that really baffles me is that I don’t say ‘Jorda-n’ and you’re just missing the last part. If I’m really honest, I think this is how I say my name:

IPAjordan.png

That question-mark-looking-thing isn’t a vowel; it’s a glottal stop. (It’s the non-vowel sound in ‘Uh oh.’) It means that I cease to vibrate my vocal chords. It’s the opposite of a vowel. And then I go straight to the ‘n.’ No vowels in the second syllable.

Maybe you are Catalan. If that’s so, you must already know that Jordà is Catalan for Jordan. That must be it.

I speak English. Jordan.

Sincerely,
JordaN

Categories
Ryan/Married Life

Dear Ryan

Dear Ryan,

I know you won’t see this until tomorrow, but I just wanted to tell you a few things.

I wanted to tell you thank you again for getting out the crock pot yesterday while I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get the stoneware clean, vegetables sliced and pot roast on. It may not have been a huge deal, but it was one little thing that helped my day go more smoothly. Plus, I liked that I didn’t even have to ask you to do it. You anticipated a need and fulfilled it.

I especially liked it because I felt like we were a team. I like to feel like we’re working in perfect synchronization.

I also appreciate how you usually notice if I’ve cleared off the kitchen counters or done the dishes or mopped or vacuumed. I appreciate you taking notice, thanking me for doing my daily chores, and saying, “The house looks good, babe.”

Thank you for giving Hayden his bath almost every single night for nearly a year now. I like to take those few minutes sometimes and decompress a little. But usually, I like to sit with my boys.

Thank you for being a competent father. You have excellent judgment when it comes to our son’s safety and wellbeing. You’re even very good at diapers. I’m so glad to have someone whom I love and trust to be right there with me to share my concerns and hopes for our son.

No, there’s no special occasion that you’ve forgotten (though it is my grandma’s birthday tomorrow). It’s just Monday.

I love you.

Love,
Jordan