MamaBlogga

I don’t think a blog about motherhood would be quite complete without a suitable tribute to fathers. After all, good dads capable, responsible and important.

I probably can’t say enough about fathers, or say enough to thank the father of my children. The man does dishes, reads with Hayden, and can even put the kids to bed.

Thank you, Ryan!

So go ahead, brag on Dad here!

The stats are alarming: more and more children are being born out of wedlock, divorce is on the rise, workaholism, absenteeism, and just plain abandonment result in more and more children being raised without fathers. Now, of course, I think mothers are wonderful and vital to a child’s growth and development—but really, we can’t do it all by ourselves.

Aside from potentially increasing the difficulty level of parenting for a mother, children who grow up without a father involved in their lives face long odds:

Boys without the substantial presence of a father are 70 percent more likely to commit violent crimes, and each year spent without a dad in the home increases the odds of future incarceration by 5 percent.

Girls without the substantial presence of a father are 150 percent more likely to become pregnant during the teen years and will experience 92 percent more marriage breakups than girls raised with two parents.

Both girls and boys raised without fathers are substantially more likely to be sexually abused than their peers in two-parent homes.

—As cited in Nurture the Nature by Michael Gurian

Does having a dad around automatically ensure that all will go smoothly for mothers and children? Of course not. But statistically speaking, it certainly helps.

With all these stats piling up around us, it’s easy to think that the world is sinking into a vicious cycle which can only perpetuate itself. But let me remind you: there are still lots of great dads out there. Dads that take the time to be involved in their children’s lives, whether or not they live together.

So here’s to all the dads that make the time to play with their children, help them with homework or chores, and really try to get to know them. Because there are still plenty of good, responsible dads out there (they just don’t always make the headlines).

It’s easy and funny to think of dads as all but inept. Think of your favorite “family” sitcom. How many times does the dad on that show make a terrible parenting decision (usually with humorous consequences instead of, y’know, killing the children)? How many times does the dad on the show act lost when confronted by a problem in parenting? How many times does the mother have to bail him out of the mess he’s made as a parent?

Granted, these things are funny—very funny to mothers especially, because we get to look like the ones who know what’s up. But really, when you put it in generic terms instead of describing incidents from a show, it starts to sound less like “oh, there goes Dad again” and more like “yep, dads are supposed to fail.” And that’s not really funny . . . that’s kind of closer to what I call cruel. (But you don’t have to feel guilty for laughing; that’s what sitcoms are for, after all.)

When it comes to the real life dads around us, though, I certainly don’t see the same standard of behavior. My sample is probably biased, since maybe I do know more good dads personally.

But the vast majority of the men I know can change a diaper without any help. They can take care of the kids solo—and not call it “babysitting,” and not lose a child (literally or metaphorically). They can even bathe them and put them to bed all by themselves.

What can the dads in your life do that TV dads can’t?

We’re making Father’s Day fabulous this week!

Naturally, I made a rather big deal out of Mother’s day last month. But I also want to make a rather big deal out of Father’s Day (this Sunday!).

Really, this isn’t just in the interest of Title IV, gender equality, parity and all that. It’s because I really believe that honoring fatherhood is an important part of honoring motherhood.

It’s easy to find fault with fathers—and the media is a big help there. But for all the negative attention that dads get, I know that there are lots of fathers out there stepping up and doing a great job.

It’s also easy for we mothers to get so caught up in how difficult our lives are and how much is expected of us that we gloss over the expectations for father—and sometimes that’s partially because the media has set such a low expectation for them.

But guess what. There are lots of REAL DADS out there doing great things. Dads that are capable. Dads that are responsible. And though they’re not always the best at expressing it (or at least not how we expect them to), dads that are loving.

Dads are important. They’re not the same as mothers, but they’re still vital in their own role.

Want to brag on a dad in your life? Post a comment here—we’ll be talking about this for the rest of the week—or respond on your blog!

Today we’ll pick up where we left off with Elder M. Russell Ballard’s talk “Daughters of God,” about the eternal importance of motherhood. Last time, he talked about gaining appreciation for the work of motherhood and its eternal importance, finding success in motherhood, reducing pressure on ourselves and enjoying our families and receiving support from our husbands.

Today we’ll get to look at his thoughts on what children can do to show their support for their mothers. As he warned us, some of these answers are very obvious, but I’ll bet that most of our children could use the reminder. Plus, having this come from a source other than their mother is always nice reinforcement.

The third question: What can children, even young children, do? Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.

You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.

You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.

Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.

And that moment, especially when it comes unbidden and at a time when our children might not know that we need it, is one of the simple joys of motherhood.

Elder Ballard’s final question is what our church can do for mothers. I figure that most of my readers aren’t actually members of our church, but if you’re interested in his answer, feel free to read the conclusion of his talk, “Daughters of God.”

Today we’ll pick up where we left off with Elder M. Russell Ballard’s talk “Daughters of God,” about the eternal importance of motherhood. Last time, he talked about gaining appreciation for the work of motherhood and its eternal importance, finding success in motherhood and reducing pressure on ourselves and enjoying our families.

Today we’ll look at what husbands can do to better support their wives. Sadly, these answers are not as extensive as the answers to the previous question, but they’re still invaluable.

The second question: What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of their children?

I know you’re all looking forward to these answers perhaps even moreso than you did the answers to his last question. (And you’re probably thinking, Couldn’t you have done this before Mother’s Day?)

First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some evenings together, just the two of you.

Date night! Date night! And no, watching television together after the kids go to bed doesn’t count.

Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each child’s needs and what you can do to help.

This shows us that you notice things happening in our family and specifically the problems and needs each of our children have. It shows us that we’re not the only ones who see and care about our children. It shows us that you take your role as a father, an equal partner in raising our children, seriously. We like it .

Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does. You may do a lot of lifting, twisting, and bending!

Couldn’t say it better!

Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your family. Don’t put work, friends, or sports ahead of listening to, playing with, and teaching your children.

I remember an old column by advice columnist Carolyn Hax where, essentially, a man wrote in asking how to help his wife or girlfriend understand why he needed to go to a bar after work for a couple hours to decompress or escape before coming home. Naturally, his SO felt neglected and like he was trying to escape from their family. Carolyn basically asked him what was so terrible at home that he couldn’t stand to go there straight after work (and this underlying issue was what really needed to be addressed). This is how it can make us feel if you consistently put these other activities ahead of us.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a job, friends or other interests. But it does mean your family deserves at least the same amount of demonstrated attention and devotion that your other interests receive.

Doing these four things really isn’t asking much of husbands (I think). But they can mean a lot to us as wives and mothers. Any other suggestions?

Next time: What can our kids do?