MamaBlogga

It’s May (already!) and Mother’s Day is fast approaching. For so many mothers, what is supposed to be a celebration of all that we do for our families has become a dreaded occasion. Maybe we don’t hate Mother’s Day, just the maudlin commercialism that’s associated with it. Or maybe it’s that we look forward to this day where our children are kind and loving and appreciative, but we wake up that morning and they’re just the same kids as yesterday. Or maybe it’s that we have “issues” with our own mothers. Or maybe it’s that we have to confront that we’re not the moms we wished we were.

No matter what the reason, I think it doesn’t have to be that way. We can redefine our expectations. Maybe instead of a day we expect our family to be perfect and treat us like a queen, we can strive for a day where we reflect on the things we’ve learned about motherhood, or the things we love about motherhood—or even just the things we love about our children.

On that note, I asked a few friends to post about lessons they’ve learned from motherhood. Their posts have already touched my heart and I hope they will yours, too.

So please read and comment on this week’s guest posts—and think about what you need to do to make Mother’s Day merry!

I don’t know what I want. Or I don’t know what I want that I can actually get as a gift.

I’ll settle for chocolate.

What do you want? How do you celebrate Mother’s Day?

Photo by Annette Pedrosian

This was originally posted last year for Mother’s Day. I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s day filled with relaxation and appreciation!

Happy Mother’s Day! I got beautiful flowers, delicious chocolates and breakfast, dinner and dessert made for me.

I hope all of your Mother’s days have been good; feel free to share how your family celebrated!

Here is the talk I’m giving today in church. (Guess how long it took me to say all this, plus a little extra I added as I spoke.)

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I’ve come to develop a deep testimony about motherhood since I’ve become a mother. I don’t want the nonmothers in the congregation to feel left out because they haven’t had this blessing in their lives—or because they’re men. I believe that anyone who nurtures another person is in some way a parent. Sheri Dew, a former member of the Relief Society General Presidency, gave a talk entitled “Are We Not All Mothers?” in General Relief Society Meeting in September 2001. In it, she stated that “we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation.” Although Sister Dew has not been blessed with children in this life, she has nurtured many people personally through her extended family and church service. To be a mother is to give of yourself.

And to be a mother is hard. I had no idea how hard it would be before I had Hayden. I don’t remember receiving that warning from anyone. On the other hand, I had some idea how difficult it would be to be a mother in today’s society.
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Three times last night, I heard the hosts on various shows bid all the mothers a happy Mother’s Day. More than once, they assured me, “We appreciate all that you do.” Only one of the people who expressed Mother’s Day wishes was a mother herself, though many, if not all of the men were fathers.

And each time, it grated on my nerves more and more. Finally, the third time, I’d had it (it was also after midnight…). I turned to the television and shouted, “No you don’t! You don’t have any idea what we do!”

If you’re still pondering what special things to say to your mother or wife (or baby mama) for Mother’s Day, here’s a little hint: don’t say that you’re grateful for all that we do. Even if you really, truly are grateful for absolutely everything that we do, leaving it at that makes us (or me, at least) feel as though you have no concept of what we do, and no real desire to find out.

Instead, pick a few specific things to mention. They could be thankless tasks that you know your wife/mother/babymama does (diapers, dishes, maintaining a well-run house, enforcing the rules, etc.); it could be a favorite family memory (especially effective if you know that your wife/mother/babymama put a lot of time and effort into creating that memory, but it works either way).

By speaking in specifics, the underlying message is that you notice what we do. Generalities are nice, but they’re just that—general. By mentioning a couple things to focus on, hopefully your wife/mother/babymama will understand that you see the hard, thankless work that is part and parcel with motherhood—and that you appreciate that.

Just a thought.