Categories
Fulfillment Kids/Parenting

Guest post: Motherhood Lessons

By Danyelle Ferguson

Motherhood is a peculiar journey. We never know what our children will be like, what their future holds, nor how it will change our path in life.

I certainly never expected to have a child with mental disabilities. The last nine years have been filled with experiences I would never imagined could be a part of motherhood. But along with the frustrations and stress, there were many joyful moments of success and pride. There are a few lessons I’ve learned during this crazy journey called motherhood.

Love Yourself

The most important criteria of being a good mom is loving yourself. We give so much of our time and energy to our children that it’s easy to get burned out. Don’t be afraid to take time for a girls night out, a long soak in a hot, bubbly bath, or just some quiet time in your car with a drink and book. Whatever relaxes you or makes you happy, find a way to squeeze it in. I’ve had to pick and choose which hobbies or talents to make time for over the years.

For many years, I went once a month to a weekend scrapbooking event. Then my focus changed to writing, so I figured out some time during the week that I could take a few hours to go to a bookstore and write without munchkins pulling on me. If you take the time to decompress from the everyday routine of being a mama, then you will be a much happier person, mother, and wife.

Cross Perfection Off Your List

I used to get so discouraged after visiting a friends whose homes were always spotless. I felt like such a failure that I couldn’t keep up with all my mommy duties and housework like these other women I looked up to. But then, my Relief Society president gave a lesson one Sunday and told us that we needed to cross perfection off our lists. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only perfect being who ever lived on Earth. While we need to strive to keep the commandments and be good Christian women, having a spotless house, perfect highlights & nails, or the kids with the best grades are not things are not requirements to get into Heaven.

It’s perfectly fine to have mountains of laundry to wade through, toys strewn across your house, and be in desperate need of a haircut. In fact, its absolutely normal! In the last four years, I’ve rearranged my housework. Every Saturday, our family works together to clean the house. Everything gets picked up, vacuumed, and scrubbed. Then during the week, I try to do one or two loads of laundry each day—taking the weekends off. My laundry baskets are never empty and the weekend is the only time my house isn’t cluttered with toys, but I have so much less stress because I’ve accepted that our house isn’t perfect. It’s lived in and the family living there is happy and loved.

Laugh Often

Be quick to laugh, rather than get upset. This is actually difficult for me and I am constantly working on it. But our family is definitely happier when mom’s not a crank. 🙂 Looking back at some of the most stressful mommy moments, I can see that when my hubby cracked jokes and made me laugh, I relaxed enough to think things through better. And my shoulders weren’t constantly tied up with tension knots. Shared laughter is something the whole family will remember forever.

One of my favorite quotes is “Live, Laugh, Love.”

Remember to live your life rather than be focused on perfection, share laughter with your family, and love yourself so you can give the best of yourself to your family.

About the Author
Danyelle Ferguson is the mother of four angels-in-training and the author of (dis)Abilities and the Gospel. You can find out more about her on her website: www.DanyelleFerguson.com or on her blog: www.QueenOfTheClan.com.

Photo of girl hugging herself by Evan Long

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

The Zen of Play-Doh

I love new things. Pristine things. Perfect things. More than once as a child, I never used a wonderful, much-loved gift—because I didn’t want to ruin it or use it up. (I really did like it, I promise!)

At almost three, Hayden has not developed this preference. He has a few Play-Doh toys (including this fun duffel bag), and I have to open the canisters for him, so he still has several that have never been opened. But with his newest Play-Doh play set (this particularly awesome one), he’s requested nearly all of the cans of Play-Doh to be opened.

play-doh by dbrekke
photo by dbrekke

Not wanting to inflict my neurosis on him, I’ve obliged and opened each requested canister. The first time the white, purple or brown clay plops onto the table, still in its near-perfect cylindrical shape, Hayden promptly requests me to “Roww [roll] it, Mama!” I pick up the rolling pin and, with great sadness, proceed to ruin the perfect little Play-Doh shape.

The pliable Play-Doh will never again be pristine. Try as I might, it will never have that same shape. It will pick up bits of dried Play-Doh, salt and rice from the table. It will attract every other color of Play-Doh imaginable and mingle to a dull, muted version of its neon glory.

But y’know what? It’s still fun to squish through your fingers, to cut with dull plastic tools, to squeeze into oddly-shaped ropes and decorative molds. And you can’t enjoy it when it’s just in the can.

Sometimes looking back, it’s like my life before kids was an untouched cylinder of Play-Doh. It was nice. It was neat. (Hindsight is not always 20/20, as I’m sure my life was really none of these things.)

My life and Hayden’s Play-Doh are never going back to the way they were before. But y’know what? It’s still fun to watch as they discover everything from their fingers to their alphabet, to show them the wonderful things of this world, to try to teach them all the things they’ll need to know and then some.

And I think I wouldn’t enjoy life as much without them.