MamaBlogga

Because she’s coming today!

It’s been over nine months since we’ve seen her last, and we’re all thrilled to see Nana today.

What can I say? They’re a lot of work, but in spite of (or because of) it, I love them!

It’s been just over five years since I became a mother. And I discovered that being a mom was hard.

I knew, intellectually, that being a mother was a lot of work. But I had no idea how emotionally difficult a newborn could be. I felt like I had to have every priority and desire wrested and wrenched from me. (And, frankly, sometimes it does still feel that way.)

I was understimulated and overwhelmed, always tired, and never able to get the real rest that I needed.

And now? I have two other kids in addition to my baby. I almost feel as though I’ve been through the wringer and come out the other side—because, I finally realize, I do enjoy being a mother.

For the last five years, whenever a mother concludes the usual list of complaints with “but it’s worth it,” I mentally raised an eyebrow. And yeah, I still do that most of the time. There are still times—lots of them—where I am completely fed up and ready to quit. But slowly I’m finding myself remembering more of those moments where I do feel it’s worth it.

When Hayden was born, just being a mother was so hard for me, I wasn’t sure I could have another (and the epidural complications didn’t help). After Rebecca’s birth, I thought I could have another in due time. But before that “due time” was up, I had Rachel—and with her, every little moment I think, “This can’t be the last time I have a baby to snuggle or see these milestones or love a child of my own.”

A lot of the bitterness of the experience of becoming a mother has faded, and looking back, I know how easy I had it. I realized at the time that Hayden wasn’t a very difficult baby, and my struggles were mostly my own, and of course, I did love him very much. On the other hand, Rachel was my most difficult baby early on (she’s a perfectly happy child now)—and maybe that’s why I appreciate this phase more now.

Maybe it’s just that the older your kids get, the more you appreciate the little moments—and the moments they’re little. Almost every day, one of the kids does something remarkable, adorable, amazing, intelligent and/or kind. The milestones come faster and faster—and then I carry Rachel to her room for a nap, and I’m alternately amazed at how huge she’s getting and how tiny she still is.

I don’t know if I’ve done the feeling justice, but I feel like I appreciate and enjoy being a mother more now than I ever have. So this Valentine’s Day, I’m celebrating a mother’s love by loving motherhood.

How would you write a tribute to mother’s love for Valentine’s Day?

Hayden turned five yesterday! We had a little party with his preschool class, complete with s’more cupcakes (mmmmmmmmmmm).

The first thing he got for his birthday wasn’t really planned, but I had to make a quick run and happened to ask if he was old enough, and he was:

His first library card!

He insisted on checking out my books for me. I let him enter his own PIN on the touchscreen at checkout. He was very happy. (He was also quite proud of the map the librarian gave him. I was quite proud that he printed his first name himself.)

He got the Pillow Pet (or Piwpet, as Rebecca calls hers) he’s been wanting since before Christmas, and the “mo-trol” car (remote control) he’s been wanting since he played with his cousin’s at New Year’s, as well as some awesome building toys that he’s already hard at work with. (He’s built a two foot tall crane on the dining room table!)

Also fun: Aunt Jasmine is visiting!

In the last week, Rebecca turned 2.5, Ryan turned… another year older, Hayden turned 5 and Rachel will be 8 months tomorrow. Me, I’m just a loser .

I haven’t blogged about my kids in a while, it seems, and then they’re growing up so fast, I don’t know where to start!

This morning, Rachel used the couch to stand up for the first time! This is her last week, using the rocking chair (also the true first):

She’s still growing, but not quite as fast as she used to be. She was almost average sized at 4 months (a first for one of my children!), but at 6 (really 7) months, she was closer to the 35th percentile in weight. (Height was at the 98th percentile, but since she’s not abnormally long/tall, the doctor and I think that was probably a mis-measure.)

Rebecca is growing, too! She’s officially two and a half today. Lately she seems to be speaking much more clearly. For example, she doesn’t say “pea’ bu’ saas” but “peadut butter sammatch.” She still doesn’t say her r’s, favoring y’s and w’s instead. (“Diapehy” is a favorite of mine.)

She started having serious problems with bedhead, so I tried to get her to use scrunchies. If I did her hair “wike Tinkie Behww!” or to match mine (“We matsh?”), she was excited to let me touch her hair (a first!). I got her a few scrunchies at the dollar store last week, and she lets me do her hair almost every day now.

Hayden is learning new words. He likes to sound out words often these days (Last night: “G-g-g-gum. G! Gummmmm. M!”). He loves preschool, especially when it’s our turn to teach/host. He’s also experimenting with more photography (revolving around his latest favorite toy) and self-portraiture.

Warning: extreme closeup!

I fear I’ve created a monster, though: last week, I showed him the folder of Internet bookmarks I had just for him. I showed him how to open the browser. I showed him which link (of the 2-3) led to PBS Kids games. And now all he wants to do is play on the computer! (We have a few rules, of course: he has to ask first and get off whenever we tell him to.) It’s a little annoying during a lot of the day, but makes for a quieter quiet time. (And Rebecca happily taking naps again is helping with that, too!)

I love that they’re growing and discovering new things ad getting more independent, but I’m always sad to feel their early childhood slipping away.

What milestones have your kids hit recently?

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!