MamaBlogga

I’m typing this on a bouncing laptop. It’s on my knees as I rock Rachel’s bouncy seat with one foot. She has just one fussy time every day: 8 AM to 1 AM the next morning. All it takes to calm her down is to hold her constantly, frequently while bouncing her, and feed her every half hour.

I hope it goes without saying that my house is a little trashed, and I’m just glad the other two are getting along really well these days.

I’m handling it okay, actually. I like holding her, and she’s not that heavy, and usually I can sit down while I’m doing it. We have a television, and it won’t kill the kids if they watch it. I’m used to living in my messy house and raising the next generation of couch potatoes . Plus, in a few weeks, Rachel should be able to spend more than two hours a day out of my arms. (I realize, of course, there is no guarantee here, but I’ll keep hoping.)

My arms do get a little tired, of course—I do look forward to Ryan coming home so I can get up and do something. And that, I think, is the major drawback: I can’t get anything else done.

Naturally, I have a long list of things I’d like to do, not the least of which is stop watching so much television, but also feed myself and the rest of our family, vacuum for the first time in *mumblemumbleweeks*, and, say, use the bathroom. (Reading and writing are high on my list, too, but a little less necessary, I guess.) (A little.) Holding a baby, even one that can often be held comfortably with one arm, makes it hard to do much of anything.

But it’s okay. It’s okay if Rachel cries for a few minutes while I use the bathroom, or make sandwiches. And it’s okay, too, if I don’t accomplish everything that I’d really like to beyond those basics—these are precious days, and frankly, I’m already doing enough. I’m raising three kids and trying to meet their needs. And if right now, that’s all I can squeeze into a day, it’s okay.

At least, I’m trying to convince myself it is .

What do you think? Do you ever have unrealistic expectations for yourself? What do you do to try to fix that?

(Happy anniversary, Ryan!)

Think about a good woman you know—your mother, a friend, a neighbor. What does she do that makes her so good?

For me, it’s not so much what the good women that I know do, it’s how much. As Proverbs says, a virtuous woman “looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” I’m always impressed by the women around me who take the time (because they don’t just find it!) to care for their families, and for others around them; women who seem to always be thinking of others and providing for them; women who still worry they’re not doing enough.

These women have busy, full lives—and perhaps surprisingly, they always end up worrying they’ve neglected something or forgotten someone, or that they need to cram more into their lives of service.

Last week at the LDS General Conference, General Relief Society President Julie B. Beck agreed that good women simply have more to do than their lives can fit:

A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important.

I definitely have that part down . It’s Sister Beck’s next point that I’ve been struggling with a lot lately:

A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence.

Sometimes, the more I fret over whether I’m doing enough, inside my home and out, the more I shut down and try to escape from even the most basic of my responsibilities. (Usually by wasting time online—and I don’t mean something even as productive as blogging. I mean the kind of time suck where after two hours, you can’t really remember what you’ve been doing.)

Sister Beck points out that the best way we can be a good woman isn’t to try to accomplish everything, and it’s especially not to focus only on ourselves. While we definitely need to remember to make time for ourselves (or there won’t be anything for us to give!), we have to focus on our responsibilities and prioritize as well.

So what do you think you can let go of? Can you tell the difference when you focus more on yourself—or too much on yourself?

(In case you’re wondering, Sister Beck says that the best way to prioritize is through personal revelation from God about what is most important and best for us and our families.)

Photo by Tom Goskar

Carol Bartz is a busy woman. She’s a CEO (again), a breast cancer survivor, a community volunteer—and, oh yeah, a mom. While her children are now grown, she’s had all these balls in the air at the same time,

Five years ago, when she still had children at home, Business Week interviewed her. Toward the end of their article, they highlighted her commitment to family:

Bartz showed up for a board meeting one night with a hugely swollen leg. Turns out, she had rushed from work to her daughter’s soccer game and slipped, twisting her ankle. She hobbled to the game, then limped to the board meeting. Because the . . . freezer had no ice, she ended up sitting with a bag of frozen peas on her foot. But she carried on as usual, Nierenberg says. . . .

Bartz encourages her employees to have a life outside of work as well. Autodesk’s staffers can receive several hours off a month to help out at their children’s schools. A few weeks ago, Bartz taught 60 or so of her employees’ kids, who showed up for the company’s bring-your-kids-to-work day, how to execute a real business handshake (hand should not be limp, look the person in the eye).

How does Carol Bartz juggle all these roles? The interview hinted at that as well—but I think the two biggest keys are perspective and priorities.

First, she placed her family as her highest priority:

Ever since her daughter, who’s now 15, was in elementary school, Bartz would sit down with her at the beginning of each school year and promise to come to certain school events — say, a Christmas concert or the Halloween party. “I don’t care if the Pope comes to Autodesk, I’m still going to spend that time with her,” she says. Recently, she canceled a business dinner to attend her daughter’s first prom.

Second, Carol recognized that she wasn’t going to be perfect:

I have a belief that life isn’t about balance, because balance is perfection. Rather, it’s about catching the ball before it hits the floor.

I may not be a CEO, or even employed outside the home, but I take encouragement from that counsel. And you know what? Sometimes even the best jugglers drop the balls. What do they do? They pick them up and keep practicing.

How have you caught the ball before it hit the floor? How have you continued after dropping the ball?

Photo credit: juggle balls—Dani Simmonds