MamaBlogga

How often do you get to say that? While they were all here, my sisters said something about me losing weight, and I realized that it would probably be the only time I could ever get away with saying, “Yeah, I’ve been working out…” I guess that makes twice now.

Anyway, I enjoy the gym because it gives me a little down time to read or think while Haydie’s in the daycare there.

So I was there today working out and another mom came to the machine next to me with her infant daughter in a stroller. She was talking to another gym patron and mentioned that her daughter was the reason she was there in the first place—but it was worth it.

Every time I hear a parent say that about their children, I immediately begin to wonder if I could claim the same and really mean it.

Don’t get me wrong—I love Hayden very much. Just the other day, I was thinking about how sweet and adorable he is—and I was amazed to be able to say that I was his mother. I feel very blessed (or lucky, if you prefer) to be his mother, the one that he will run to to make everything all better for years to come.

But so often I focus on how hard motherhood is. My parents and youngest sister went home yesterday after a nine day visit, and I was scared to be alone with Hayden this week. How would he readjust to having only me around after growing so accustomed to being held, played with and fawned over all the time for more than a week?

Just fine, of course. He’s still got his mommy. Today Hayden was sitting on the floor, reclining against a pair of Ryan’s boots. I crawled over and took the boots away from behind him. He balanced there, leaning back, for a moment. He glanced back to see me and then gently let himself fall into my outstretched arms.

What complete trust. He didn’t see my arms behind him, but he knew I was there and I wouldn’t let him fall.

Is that kind of trust and love worth all the work? Today I can say yes. Although the work is sometimes a drudgery, if nothing else, that service increases my love and affection for my son.

And I’d like to think that my heart has grown a bit more than my biceps in the last year.

Hayden fought off a little cold this week. Between that and all the excitement of having his grandparents and Aunt Jasmine here to play with him (read: fawn over his every move, as we all should), he’s had a little trouble sleeping.

When we finally broke down and got him to sleep through the night (in February), we had to let him cry it out. For three weeks. Ryan was afraid we were starting over again with that. He went in to comfort him Tuesday night and Hayden quieted as soon as his daddy picked him up—but began wailing as soon as he was laid in bed.

Wednesday night, I was fighting off the same cold (still am :() and had just gotten to bed (late again, sigh) when Hayden began to cry. As I debated whether to get up or not, his cries grew louder. After a few minutes, I knew I had to get up, especially since my parents were trying to sleep in the room next to his.

I put on my robe and went into his room. I gathered him into my arms and rocked him. Slinging one arm around my neck, Hayden quickly quieted down and snuggled into my shoulder. I could hear him sniffling and speculated that he was having trouble breathing laying down. (He insists on sleeping face down, silly boy.)

I sat down on the floor of his room and rocked him gently. Although he was completely asleep, Hayden still clung to my neck. I couldn’t help but give him tons of kisses.

I held him for ten or fifteen minutes, just to make sure that he got some undisturbed sleep, before gently laying him back in his crib.

No matter how well or how poorly my week is going, a reminder like that is one I can always use.

Last week, we introduced Hayden to ranch dressing. On pizza. (This is Ryan’s idea of food.)

He was a bit suspicious at first. He eyed his little bite of pizza with white stuff on it, but wouldn’t touch it. I tried to feed it to him. He gingerly licked the ranch dressing. After two or three tastes, he decided he liked it, and ate the bite of pizza.

Apparently he liked it quite a bit. He toddled off and fetched my cell phone, brought it back, and dipped it in the ranch dressing. That was fun to clean up. I must have shorted my old battery in the process. Good thing I’ve had a new one sitting around for a while now.

To complete the story, Hayden’s cell phone (Ryan’s old phone) has been missing for a few days. Neither Ryan nor I had any idea where it was or even how long it had been missing.

Today Haydie was eating some graham cracker sticks today and dumped the box on the floor. What should come tumbling out but his phone!

Gotta love those little reminders.