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Fulfillment Faith

To be a better mother

I’m not, in general, a bad mother. But I’m also not always the best mother that I can be. I’ve found that these three things, when I do them, make me a better mother:

1. Focus. By focus, I mean that I focus on Hayden. I really find that I enjoy my son and motherhood in general a lot more when I stop trying to get so much else done. Yes, I have to keep the house clean and my family fed, but when I spend most of my time just caring for and playing with Hayden, we both have a better day (even when the sink’s full of dishes).

2. Patience. I’m really, really working on this one because I’m not usually a patient person (especially not with family members, as sad as that is). The funny thing about patience is, of course, that even once you’ve become more patient, you get to “work” on it your whole life. It’s not like you just magically wave a wand and nothing ever upsets you again—even if it’s less frequent (which is what I’m striving toward now), our patience isn’t always perfect in this life.

3. Faith. This is in many ways interrelated with #2, because I’m using my faith to try to improve my patience. But my faith affects more of my parenting than that. It does give a long list of principles and lessons that I’m responsible for teaching my children, but it also provides me with sustaining power. I’ve had mornings where I can’t get out of bed because I’m exhausted and Hayden wakes up an hour and a half earlier than normal, and the only way I ever get out of bed on those days is after fervent prayer.

I’m far from perfect—and honestly, I know I won’t become perfect in this life, and certainly not by my own power—but when I do these three things, I enjoy motherhood more and I feel as though I’m a better mother!

What attributes or skills make you feel like a better mother?

This post is part of Mommy Zabs’ group writing project. The late part.

14 replies on “To be a better mother”

Boy, Jordan, I think you nailed them there. I’m not the best at sustained “baby playing,” so I make a concerted effort to give Noe 100% of my attention when we’re doing the mandatories of the day — diaper changes, bottles, eating, etc. We’ve turned those into real connection times and have a ball together, and it’s wonderful. But I’ve found that focus isn’t possible without patience . . . which isn’t possible (for me) without faith. As I see it, the three are interwoven.

Thanks for the post!

Besides my awesomeness, you mean?

Oh right. I agree. Patience is the mother of all good motherhood, along with good quality help. I think it’s much harder to do a good job of mothering someone if you have to go it alone– without a network of support of any kind.

those are a great list. i think that focus…being present and in the “now” is probably the key for me. thanks for this great post!

I’m so behind in my blog reading. I want to savor and read all of your latest posts when I’m awake enough to remember and actually benefit from your wisdom. In other words, it’s late and I just stopped by. I don’t have time to read right now but I wanted to validate you and your lovely blog and send lots of commenting bloggy love your way before I head off to bed. 🙂

Great post Jordan – your list of three really does sum things up nicely! They do all tend to go hand in hand, don’t they?

Hello,i was reading your ideas and loved your realness about not being a perfect mother ,it somehow allowed me to relax and breathe.I feel alot of anxiety about being a good mom ,and i want so bad to not mess up in any area if that’s possible,but if not i want to learn what is more important to focus on rather than driving myself crazy about oh i shouldn’t of said that or did that.I feel that being a mom we are their teachers and their examples,and that the kids really look up to us and mimic what they see, so at times what i might say or my attitudes or how i interact with others could be teaching them to do the same, not that i treat everyone in a bad fashion but my fiancee sometimes he has a real tendacy to get on my nerves,and he is so humble and helpful as far as the housework and pitching in for the cooking but he doesn’t seem as passionate in being a awesome and great dad , he does play with them but he always is into t.v or the computer playing solaiter or whatever and what scares me is his dad had fifty kids forreal and wasn’t a good father allin their life .and my kids are my everything he wants to love me and help in the house but i’m constantly looking to see if he has passion for his kids and so far i don’t see enough to even go through with marriage, we attend church and read our word and believe in God and prayer but in the area of kids i think he’d rather have his time alone and just be without kids and be with me so i’m not passionately in love with him because of his lack of passion for rearing our children/ what are you’ll opions on this matter.

Hi there,
I’ve been typing in how to be a better mother on google. lol Seems terrible doesn’t it? I am a 24 year old who has a 7 year old. I was great when I was taking care of the all needy baby. I love it. I had no problem giving all my time back then. I am not however so good at the 7 year old age. I have a hard time taking interest in the things she does as I am always brooding about bills or working on something for school, or working period. I have never really been one to (I know this sounds terrible) do the kid thing. When I do make the effort she does not seem interested. When she’s done with her friends and games she thinks she can come back to me and go I’m ready now. Which doesn’t work for all activities, weather, time of day etc. I really want to find things that we can do with each other that wont make me want to pull my hair out. I know this is an important as is anytime. I was an only child who never saw my mom because she worked all the time, so it was enough just to see her. My daughter is an only child but we had my mom and 9 year old brother move in over a year ago and now she always thinks that someone should be there to play with or entertain her. I know I should spend more time with her, but where do I draw the line? How do I start?

I think spending time with your kids is vital. Most parents hate having to watch tv together or eating dinner, but those things are remembered for life.

I am so glad that I found your blog. I have a daughter and a son. People tell me that I am a good mother but I feel like I can improve in some places. PATIENCE is one of those areas. I am consistantly screaming at my kids and that’s why I believe they do what I say; I have a feeling it’s because they are afraid of getting me upset. I need to find a solution so I can be a better mom to them.

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