Month: August 2011

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Manly man

I’m the oldest of four daughters. While we were growing up, my dad would often (i.e. at least weekly) encourage us to eat some portion of our dinner with the promise, “It’ll put hair on your chest!”

As you can imagine, this didn’t really motivate us.

We were just on vacation at my parents’ house (home again; feels so good not to have that trek hanging over my head!). Hayden was reluctant to eat his Venetian pasta rolls. My dad hastened to assure him, “It’ll put hair on your chest!”

My brother-in-law joined in. “You want a hairy chest, don’t you? Like Papa, right?” (My dad.) “Like Daddy?”

“Yeah,” Hayden said. “Papa has a hairy chest. So does my dad.” He dropped his voice to a mutter. “So does my mom.”

Hayden with two of his faves: Papa and the iPad

At the time, I knew anything I said would’ve made it worse. But I think I missed the obvious punchline:

“See? It works!”

What silly phrases from your childhood come back to haunt you?

Categories
Fulfillment

What do you find encouraging?

It’s no secret that motherhood is a thankless work. We work until we’ve worn ourselves out, and then we work some more. And, it seems, most of the time, we receive next to no “thank you”—not even a little acknowledgment.

Sometimes, it also seems that we’re expected to accept this. Mothers must know how much they’re loved and valued, the logic seems to go. I mean, don’t we tell them every year?

While we do need to strive to be well-adjusted adults, we can turn to others around us to help us feel better about our work—and not just by petulantly demanding recognition of every sock we’ve washed:

Elder Neal A. Maxwell suggested that one of the ways we can manage our own vexing feelings of inadequacy is to “add to each other’s storehouse of self-esteem by giving deserved, specific commendation more often. We should remember, too, that those who are breathless from going the second mile need deserved praise just as the fallen need to be lifted up.” (from Notwithstanding My Weakness p 10, via When Times are Tough by John Bytheway, p 76).

Isn’t it great when the solution to the problem we’re facing is to give what we need most to someone else? Not many things work that way, but a kind word is one of them.

What would you like to be praised for?

Photo by Todd Jordan

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Tendin

I’ve mentioned how much Rebecca enjoys pretend play. She is sharing this love with lots of other people . . . and things lately.

A while back, she insisted “I Buzz!” when we called on “Becca” for our family prayer one evening. We informed her Buzz was not allowed to pray, but Rebecca could. After we convinced her our minds were made up, she stuck out her arms and legs and wiggled them.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I shakin’ off my ‘tendin’ a be Buzz Wightyeaw.”

After the prayer, she mimed pulling on sleeves and boots: “I puttin back on my ‘tendin’ a be Buzz.”

This summer, we’ve crammed in waaay more travel than I’d initially planned. On her first trip, we stayed in a hotel. As we departed for home, Rebecca repeatedly asked if we were going to the hotel (since I guess we said “home” when we said we were going to the hotel while we were there). Finally, she understood that we were driving back to our house.

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Hotew was jus’ ‘tendin’ a be ours home!”

She’s used this logic on other nouns as well. When she doesn’t want to go to bed, like tonight, she’ll inform us that “The daytime is just ‘tendin’ a be nighttime.” Or when she was having a little trouble on a playground and I read to her the sign that said the playground was designed for kids ages 5-12, and she told me she was five, she clarified, “I was just ‘tendin’ a be five.”

What funny things did your kids pretend?

Categories
Fulfillment

Working when I’m worn out

Reading in a feed reader? Be sure to click through to use our newest feature: reaction buttons! If you feel encouraged, fulfilled, entertained, etc., by my posts, but don’t have the time or will to comment, you can still let me know!

I’m a night owl. Totally and completely. I’d rather work at 11 PM—or 1 AM—than 1 PM. When it comes to wake up time, the kids don’t give me much of a choice by about 6:45 most days, so I’m burning my candle at both ends. Add to that the constant scream-fest of raising three bickering kids five and under, and I’m worn out by about 10 AM. (Until 10 PM, when I get a second wind. WHEEE!)

I usually take this as a sign that I’m a horrible mother/woman/person/being (it goes downhill from there), that I was never cut out for motherhood. But maybe it’s actually a sign I’m doing things right. In a book I read this weekend (When Times Are Tough by John Bytheway), I came across this quotation (from p 141, emphasis mine):

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

—George Bernard Shaw, in William I. Nichols, Words to Live By, 79

This section of the book was about the virtue of work. Whenever I think about that subject, I feel guilty. I didn’t like working at a 9 to 5 job, and I’m pretty lazy and often unmotivated to change. (I’d show you my kitchen floor to prove it, but you can just take my word for it.)

But then I remember: I’m a mother! My whole life is work! Physically demanding, emotionally draining work. And though I often feel like I won’t make it through the rest of the day when I’m exhausted and out of patience, maybe in some ways it’s a sign I’m doing something right: something I’ll have to do time and again, but which will add up to the sum of a life well lived.

What do you think?

Photo by The Pug Father

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Things you never get used to as a mom

A while back we talked about the things you surprisingly get used to as a mother–but there are some things that no matter how many times you’re confronted with them, you never get used to them.

1. Never getting what you need (or not enough of what you need): Whether it’s time or personal space or your own dang bowl of ice cream

2. The awe in a child’s eyes at the sight of snow (even if it’s the fourth time today)

3. How quickly you go from the most important person in their life to the one they wouldn’t be caught dead with (and back again)

4. Never getting a vacation (you take trips, but those are just stress somewhere else!).

5. How hard it hits you during those amazing moments: you love this, and you love them.

What do you think? What will you never get used to as a mom?

Categories
Kids/Parenting

Guest Blog Post: The Napping Imperative

By Jennifer Eyre White

Awhile back I was doing some research on the importance of sleep–which frankly, as a mother of three, amounts to self-preaching to the choir– and I came across this horrifying little factoid: new babies cause their parents to lose 400-750 hours of sleep in the first year alone. 400-750 hours — whoa. That’s a lot of hours.

My initial reaction was, how does our freakin’ species survive? I mean, if you’re constantly up at night with a fussy baby, you yourself could end up being that child’s worst choking hazard. (Ha ha! I’m joking here! Mostly.) Not to mention the fact that being sleep-deprived messes with your judgment, your health, and your memory, none of which is a plus for your parenting skills.

As if that weren’t disturbing enough, a new study suggests that when you’re sleep-deprived (if you’re a rat, at least), portions of your brain actually shut down even when the rest of you is awake. You think you’re fully functional, but no, you’re actually a zombie. (If you have kids I bet you’re nodding your head right now and thinking, “Yup, that explains a lot. I really need to get the **** more sleep.”)

I’m puzzled about why human babies are so hard on their parents; being constantly sleep-deprived by our young doesn’t seem to me to be an evolutionary advantage. (There have also been times–three times in particular–where the process of human childbirth has struck me as severely suboptimal.) If we were living in a historic period where we had to survive by our wits, most of today’s parents would be toast. We’d be less likely to take down a wooly mammoth, for example, and more likely to find ourselves oozing up between its toes. Luckily, in the modern world we don’t need to be that alert. Mostly we’re just doing stuff like typing on computers, checking our email, operating heavy machinery, driving… oh, wait.

Did I mention the study that suggests that being even moderately sleep deprived is like having a blood alcohol level of 0.05%? It’s ironic that parents spend so much time choosing safe cars and highly-rated car seats, and then essentially drive around impaired. It’s just not good to drive when you’re exhausted. You have the situational awareness of a cantaloupe.

Somehow, the very kids we’re trying to protect are making it harder for us to do so. Perhaps something has gone horribly wrong in either our species or our child-rearing strategies, I don’t know . I do know that, for our safety and sanity, today’s parents need to get more sleep. Sleep must be placed in the same category as eating and peeing: non-negotiable. If you can’t get enough at night–and I’m betting many of you can’t–then it’s good to get a little during the day. (OK, you can stop saying “That’s what SHE said” and snickering.)

The problem is that this is easier said than done, especially when you’re a new parent. For example, no matter what anyone says, you can’t necessarily “nap when the baby naps,” because babies have apparently evolved to prefer napping when their parents are awake. If you do manage to surreptitiously fall asleep when your baby is napping and he doesn’t promptly wake up, you can be certain that FedEx will choose this moment to deliver a package or someone will fire up a leafblower outside your window. Modern life is rife with interruptions and noise.

There’s also the fact that the whole nap-when-the-baby-naps strategy falls apart if you also have older kids to take care of. While you and your baby are enjoying the miracle of REM, the older children will be experimenting with the Cuisinart or licking the wall outlets.

Clearly, achieving a nap can be a tricky proposition. If you’re able to hire a babysitter for an hour or two so that you can nap, do it. Or swap naptimes with a friend. If your kids are a little older, let them watch TV while you sleep. I know, I know, TV is evil and you vowed to curb it mightily–but maybe you’ll let yourself off the hook if you remember that your napping makes them safer. If you’re at work you’re probably hosed, but maybe you have the kind of job where you can put your head down for half an hour and no-one will notice (note to air traffic controllers: someone will notice). And if you’re tired but can’t possibly find a way to nap, I’m so sorry. I know how much that sucks.

Whether you have a new baby or are still trying to drag yourself out of the sleep-deficit hole left by earlier babies, take naps whenever possible and start making up some of those lost hours. There’s almost nothing else you could do in a half hour a day that would be better for your parenting, your safety, or your sanity. In today’s world, it may even be a biological imperative.

About the author
Jennifer Eyre White is the author of The Practical Napper: Tips, Facts, and Quotes for the Avidly Recumbent, a wee little gift book written for those who believe the phrase “good nap” is redundant. You can find her online at www.ThePracticalNapper.com and www.HavingThreeKids.com.