Categories
Kids/Parenting

Sons and daughters

Two years ago at this time, I was a few weeks away from having one of my deepest fears confirmed. Seventeen weeks pregnant, I was not afraid of losing the baby or my child being born imperfect or unhealthy. I was afraid of something I had sensed for a while—and not only me, but my sisters (and even their friends!).

I was having a boy.

baby haydenDo not misunderstand: I love my son very much and would not trade him for a daughter. But before he was born, I was very scared to have a boy because I simply didn’t know what to do with little boys. (Other than, as my great aunt had exclaimed upon returning home at age 2 and finding a new brother there, “put pepper in he eyes and chop off he head!”) (Note: this is not recommended or acceptable or legal.)

I knew girls. I knew daughters. As the oldest of four girls, I knew exactly what little girls liked and played with and wore and enjoyed and did. I could shop for frilly dresses and baby dolls and play kitchens and dress up clothes and baby schools.

I could not see myself choosing between the hammer and the fire truck, the matchbox cars and the tool bench. Buying tiny suits.

But most of all, I could not see myself changing a little boy’s diaper. That’s how afraid I was of little boys.

So, in truth, I hoped to have a girl first. If I could have a girl first, I felt, I would have a child that I could care for confidently. And then I would be ready to “experiment” with having a boy later.

But my ways are not His ways, and my plan was not His. My first was to be a boy, and even before the ultrasound confirmed it, I had a nagging suspicion of that fact.

I do not think that I longed to have a daughter so I could have a child that I understood. Perhaps watching my three younger sisters growing up taught me that it takes more than a common gender to understand someone else. My sisters and I are each different—though we do have much in common. But I have long known that I would have to get to know each of my children as individuals, whether we happened to both be female or not.

And everything else, really, is incidental to that. I can tell you now that my son loves to turn the wheels on his toy cars, hit things with his toy hammer and throw his balls—none of which I bought for him (okay, except for one ball) (which I had to buy twice). He hates to wear his ties, but doesn’t seem to mind wearing his little suits (which I did buy for him). I can even do diapers with complete confidence (which I think comes from having been peed on several times).

But the trappings of his gender seem to have so little to do with who he is. He loves to laugh—throw back his head and guffaw a guttural belly laugh. Perennially curious, he loves to explore and investigate anything and everything. And because he is a little boy and my preconceived notions of boyhood include aversions to girls and their cooties, his spontaneous hugs and kisses seem all the sweeter.

I still want a daughter at some point—two, actually. But having my son first has given me exactly what I thought I would get from having a daughter—confidence in my ability as a mother. So bring it on, future sons and/or daughters. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

This entry is part of the first Mothers and Daughters Blog Carnival. Sarah/SingForHim told me I could participate even though I have a son.

15 replies on “Sons and daughters”

I identified very much with this post. I was scared too when I found I would be having a son first. I had always just assumed my first born would be a daughter as that is what had happened for over 4 generations. But I wouldn’t go back and change it now if I could. I love both of my sons and my new little daughter so very much.
BTW, did you read my emails/comments about you winning the mineral soak for the group writing project? I need to know where I can ship it, if you want it. If not let me know so I can draw another name. Thanks!

Love your post! I’m working on my article as well. Glad to see there are going to be some other writers joining the carnival. My oldest (I have five) is a boy. When I was pregnant, I was sure, with every particle and fiber of my being, that he was a girl. I literally challenged the ultrasound technican, “I’m sorry, but you must be mistaken.” Said in a very dismissive tone. Ha!

Who knew what God had in store for me. I had a daughter next, two more boys and then another girl. A full household indeed. Thanks for writing and sharing!

When I was pregnant, I too knew I would have a boy. I think he was given to me to teach me more about the opposite sex and that’s sure happening. I would have been very shocked if he’d come out as a girl but would have dealt with it I’m sure.

Oh, I’m right there with ya, sister. I am the youngest of 4 girls. I was sure I wouldn’t know what to do with my little boy; but he is soooo easy and fun and sweet and kissable. I did have the girl first, though. I guess God knew I would TOTALLY freak if I had the boy first. Being the youngest, I didn’t know how to take care of babies either!

This is a really beautiful post. I had the exact opposite experience. I always thought I would have a family full of boys and so far have had two girls. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the “girly-ness” they bring out in me and I love watching my husband parent them. I thank God that he knows what he is doing and doesn’t always give us what we think we want. How many blessings would we miss out on?

Boys–a noise with dirt on it!

Yes, I too can relate. I had 2 girls first. They were wonderful, oh so wonderful. I thought “I’m so glad I had girls!” And I still am. But then I had a boy. He will be one year old on Wednesday. But I thought I couldn’t relate to this little guy. I didn’t want to change his diaper either. I didn’t want to dress him up in sports clothes. How fun could that possibly be? But alas, he’s my little buddy. I see his daddy in him and he amazes me everyday. I haven’t gotten to see how it will be with all the peeing and other fun boy stuff (ie picking noses, being a stunt double, you know!) but I so look forward to it. He makes me laugh now…I know he will make me laugh later on in life too. Plus I feel so much love for him that I thought I didn’t have. Boys and girls are both awesome in their own ways…and thank God for each of them.

Beautiful post. I have 2 girls and truth be told, being raised in a house with all boys (and being a tomboy myself), I was shocked when we saw the ultrasound with my first daughter. I think its an incredibly brave thing to say “what am I going to do with a…?”

I was certain I was pregnant with boys twice and twice i was wrong…now i’m up to 3 girls…and honestly they talk my ear off and give me so much sass! I would welcome a boy right about now…it’s been a long summer and school starts in 2 days…2 will go on the bus and one will stay home for a few more years…she’s going to be a gabber too…14 months old now. Blessings to you and your son!

What an absolutely wonderful and lovely tribute to your son and your journey as a mother! And I know what you mean about those kisses being extra special : )

I can so relate to this! I was scared to death because I knew my first child was a boy. My son comes from 6, 5 boys and I was sure he would be wild like all the stories I heard about my husband’s family. My son is a joy, a delight, and an absolute instrument in God’s kingdom, with his mom as a frequent student! I had a daughter later and I love the order of son first, daughter second. A wonderful post, and I love the look of your blog!

Julie
http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/

This is funny to me because I wanted my first to be a boy so badly and had a girl first. I wanted a boy for much the same reasons you wanted a girl. I was close in age to my brothers and my friends had always been boys and I was just more comfortable dealing with “boy” things. Of course once I had my daughter I was so happy to have my perfect little girl. Although I did buy her hot wheels and sign her up to play ice hockey!

Oh I was SO SCARED of having a girl!!! I wished and hoped to have a boy first, and I did, and I would have been more than happy for our second baby to be a boy, but I was blessed with a little girl, she’s 2 now, and is rougher and tougher than her big brother, but so girly at the same time 🙂 We were to stop and 2 children but were surprised with baby number 3, another boy, whom i am so glad joined our little family……. Each of them has such a unique personality. I always had male friends growing up and love my 2 little boys, but now, I am so glad I have a daughter, so us girls can hang out together and share our own little girly world, just me and her, being that she is a middle child I am conscious that she has her own special place 🙂

Comments are closed.