So much of motherhood is out of our control. We can’t control if or when we get pregnant, despite our best efforts. And it goes downhill from there. One of the first things we learn as a mother (and then spend the rest of our lives learning, it seems), is that these are little people—little, independent people. Although you can try to create the most favorable conditions possible, you can’t make them sleep, you can’t make them eat—and the list only grows as they get bigger.
The sense of accomplishment that I’m going for with Feeling Fulfilled Fridays might be looking for a little control in motherhood—and that’s not a bad thing, I think. We have to recognize what we can and can’t control, and then focus on what we can control.
When I made out my list of things that make me feel accomplished, I purposefully left some stuff off. I feel very accomplished when my children grasp something new, when I get them to do their chores, when we all get along.
But I can’t force my children to understand something, or physically compel them to clean up, or make them not scream and hit. I can’t tie my happiness to things I can’t control—the little everyday up and downs of living with other people.
Instead, I looked for things that I can control—I can try to teach them something new (regardless of whether they get it). I can instruct them (and, if necessary, discipline them) in doing their chores. I can spend time with them doing things they like and being kind and patient with them, creating an environment where we’re more likely to get along.
Being happy, as a mom and as a person, is just too important to leave to chance—and too big a responsibility to place on our children. They can’t force us to be happy any more than we can make them fall asleep.
What do you do to help get “control” in your life? How does that work? How does that make you feel accomplished?
Photo by DM