A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I’d finally begun to find a balance between trying to act as if motherhood hasn’t changed my life and my schedule at all, and totally accommodating my son.
Of course, this balancing act of motherhood changes nearly every day. One day, you can hardly pick up a gallon of milk; the next, your children sit through an hour and a half of grocery shopping without complaint.
But as your children grow and change, and sometimes our family expands, we are constantly having to adjust. Finding balance is a balancing act in an of itself.
And even if you do find balance, it doesn’t mean that your point of balance is necessarily an easy or leisurely one. Because being a mom just isn’t easy all the time. And it seems that sometimes “balance” is less a give-and-take between mom and baby and more of a “how much are you willing to give” for mom.
Wesley Jeanne at Mountain Mama wrote about this over the weekend.
I remember at my cousin Stacy’s baby shower (before kids for me), her older sister Karyn gave us both the advice that we should fit kids into our lifestyles rather than fit our lifestyles to our kids. I nodded sagely, sure of the wisdom of her advice. After all, at the time I thought it ridiculous if my friends with children wouldn’t do something because it interfered with nap time or was too inconvenient for the kids. I swore I wouldn’t be like that. When I had kids, I would be flexible, relaxed, I would have them adjust to my life.
You’re smiling. I know. I was delusional, wasn’t I?
Two kids later I do try to be flexible. I won’t bar the door and turn off the telephone and block all outside light during nap time, for example. My kids have learned to nap in a house that is impossible to keep dark and silent (I have a dog, I have neighbors, I don’t even have curtains on many of my windows).
But as a mother I also have to be aware at all times of the needs of my children. I am painfully aware of what happens when they don’t get enough sleep, when they get overstimulated, when their routine gets thrown for more than a day. Children need for parents to be flexible, but they also need structure. It just works better that way for all of us.
Although Wesley Jeanne goes on to acknowledge that it’s very hard to accommodate your schedule to your children, and being a prepared-mom-on-the-go is actually a lot more work than it looks like, I think the above statements show that she gets the underlying idea: a mom tries to be flexible and have fun with her kids, but at the same time, she has to put her kids’ needs first.
Of course, it’s easy to say that and know that, and another thing to do that. So head on over to Mountain Mama and show your support. Because sometimes, that’s what a mom really needs to feel better about this balancing act.
3 replies on “The sometimes impossible balancing act of motherhood”
I raised 5 kids on the mission field. Homeschooled 5 kids in five different grades at the same time. You cannot imagine the critism I got from other moms when we were home on furlough about how I let my duties to my children prevent me from having a life. Unbelievable. My children were and are my life even though they are grown and gone. The oldest is 31 and the youngest is 19. I can honestly say I don´t regret one single moment of the responsibilities that having children placed on me. They are after all a gift from God and are still the joy of my life. Blessings from Costa Rica
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Amen to that! I’m heading on over right now to give that woman a high five! Thanks for sharing this — the balancing act is such a thin, thin line; and it’s always different for everyone at different points of their parenting lives. Bottom line: we do the best that we can!