MamaBlogga

I like to think that I’m okay with change. I’m not sure that’s true.

It was around 34 weeks into this pregnancy that I finally began to accept that there are really things that I can’t do while pregnant. I mean, sure, I didn’t participate in the litany of contraindicated activities/foods/etc. But it was so easy for me to (still!) forget that I was pregnant, or to want to act as though I wasn’t—walking lots, bending down, carrying Hayden, etc.

And now, less than three weeks from my due date, I’m really beginning to see that there are things I can’t and shouldn’t do at this stage of pregnancy—constantly getting up and down, carrying Hayden all the time, slouching .

I realized today that the fact was I haven’t really been able to do these things for a while, but now I’m finally beginning to accept and admit that.

This made me think back to when Hayden was first born, and my difficult transition into motherhood. A large part of that was, of course, the physical challenges of a deluge of hormones, an inability to sleep for more than three consecutive hours, and the recovery from birth and complications.

But perhaps the more difficult thing to overcome was accepting that my life—my abilities, my time, my needs, and my role in meeting the needs of my family—was not the same and never would be.

Of course, I didn’t think that everything would be the same after having a baby—it’s probably pretty much impossible to understand how much your life will change before you go through it. But resisting the changes and the new role that you’ll have to play really doesn’t help.

Two and a half years later, and I’m still resisting accepting the changes that (impending) motherhood brings. I hope that the changes that come with my new baby won’t be as difficult to accept as they were the first time around.

What helped you to accept your new role as a mother?

Wow, it’s been a while on the pictures front. And after all those posts about great picture posts!

All these pictures were taken last Friday.

Hayden is a weirdo.

Where on earth does he get this from?

Oh.

And by popular request, my belly, as of a week ago (34 weeks/6 weeks till my due date):

I was almost six months pregnant with Hayden when Hallowe’en rolled around. I was completely stumped for a good costume, and we had a party to go to. After looking on dozens of message boards and lots and lots of web searches, I assembled the granddaddy of all lists of pregnancy-related costumes.

I realize that not everyone is looking for a couple/pregnancy costume, so the list starts off with “stand alone” costumes that highlight your “baby bump.” Next is couple costumes, although there is some overlap between the two. Most of the costumes were fairly self explanatory, but I elucidated a bit for a few. Please note that I’m not saying that I think these ideas are good/creative/funny; they’re just everything I found.

Stand Alone

• 8 Ball (you could even be magic, if you feel so inclined)
• alien creature coming out of your belly
• angel
• Baker’s Wife (”Into the Woods”)
• Barney
• big baby
• belly dancer
• Big Bird
• bowling ball
• bumblebee
• bump in the road (wear all black, use sticky-backed felt strips to create road markings. Stick some cars on your belly)
• bun in the oven
• clown
• cow
• duckling
• fairy godmother
• fishbowl
• grape bunch
• gumball machine
• gypsy
• hula dancer
• kangaroo
• M&M
• man with a belly
• marshmallow (Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man, anyone?)
• Mike Wazowski (”Monsters, Inc.”)
• Minnie/Mickey Mouse
• the Moon
• Mother Earth/Mother Nature
• “Mummy”
• Pillsbury doughboy
• pregnant bride
• pregnant hippie
• pregnant nun
• pregnant schoolgirl
• pumpkin/jack o’lantern—paint your shirt (or if it’s warm and you’re a bit of an exhibitionist, paint your belly)
• scarecrow
• skeleton with baby skeleton on your belly
• Sneetch (star-belly or plain-belly)
• trashy lady/man
• Violet Beauregard Blueberry (”Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”)
• watermelon
• Winnie the Pooh

Couple Costumes

• “Mummy” and “Daddy”
• bowling ball and pin or bowler
• bun in the oven & baker
• cow and milkman
• Humpty Dumpty & the king
• M&Ms
• Minnie and Mickey Mouse
• Mr & Mrs Potato head
• pregnant angel and devil
• pregnant hippies
• pregnant nun and devil
• pregnant nun and priest
• Rosemary and the Devil (”Rosemary’s Baby”)
• Sneetches (star-bellies, plain-bellies, or mix’n'match)
• trashy couple
• Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum

There were a few things on my list that were “topical” (read: “dated”). Can you tell what year this was?

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
• Padmé and Anakin (or Darth Vader) (”Star Wars”)
• Shrek & Fiona
• Sidney Bristow and Michael Vaughn (”Alias”)

My favorite idea wasn’t really related to pregnancy, but adorable: Sesame Street Martians (see for an awesome example and their family song if you’ve forgotten it .) I told my husband it’d be cute to put “Yip, yip, YOU!” on his back and “Yip, yip, ME!” on my back and “Yip, yip, BABY!” on my belly. Ryan laughed at me.

We never really did decide on a good costume. The day of the party, I got some pipe cleaners and headbands and made myself a halo and Ryan a set of sparkly red “horns.” He wore his red boots and his shirt with flames on it; I wore a flowy white shirt and skirt. It ended up being so flowy that almost no one could tell I was pregnant. Oh well.

Personally, I don’t really ‘get,’ the whole pregnant nun thing. I’m not offended by it; it’s just not very funny to me.

I am SUPER excited about our costumes this year, though—no pregnancy necessary.

Scribbit’s first Winter Bazaar starts today! Each Wednesday this month, participants can post Hallowe’en tips and tricks tricks and treats for a chance to win fun prizes—kids’ costumes! (Yes, apparently Hallowe’en is a winter holiday in Alaska. You know, like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and Labor Day. )

I wracked my brain for what I could write about, and then I remembered I’d compiled this list a while back (i.e. when I was pregnant) and finally have the chance to post it!

The bazaar will continue next month with a different theme and prize, and until the snow melts in Alaska.

There are many reasons, I’m sure, that people are generally very kind to visibly pregnant women. People without children, I think, make concessions for someone who appears to be in obvious physical discomfort. People with children, on the other hand, accommodate pregnant women out of pity or compassion—they know what’s coming.

When I was pregnant with Hayden, I never felt too bad for making Ryan stand in lines for me or taking an offered seat. I never really got that big with Hayden, but it did seem like people—even strangers—went out of their way to make sure that I was comfortable and they’d done everything they could for me.

Less than two weeks after Hayden was born, my mom gave Ryan and me our first night out. It was Valentine’s Day. I was still very much recovering from childbirth and the sleepless nights that followed. I was still wearing maternity clothes, though if I could pass for pregnant it would have probably been in the “is she or isn’t she?” phase. And of course, I was lactating.

We went to a self-service restaurant. I told Ryan what I wanted and went to claim a table. I looked around at the people in the restaurant. No one looked back. No one cast a compassionate, knowing smile in my direction.

I suppose I’d become spoiled, even though now, I’m sure that most of the nice things that people did for me weren’t out of the ordinary. But as I sat there, worried about leaking milk, the bags under my eyes and having the energy to make it through the evening, I wanted to stand on the table and scream, “Look at me! Be nice to me!! I JUST HAD A BABY!!!”

When you’re pregnant, everyone knows it. You’re in hormonal overload and everyone seems to care about you, your baby, your welfare. You lose the belly, though, and you’re just another face in the crowd.

I decided that night that I do want a badge. It doesn’t necessarily have to say, “DANGER: HORMONAL LACTATING MOTHER” (though that might be most useful for people around me!). I’d be okay with something more understated like “New mother; please handle with care.”