MamaBlogga

Tag: expectations

  • Don’t overthink happiness!

    Ryan got a subscription to Fitness magazine, thinking with a name like “Fitness” it would be for both genders. Of course, it’s really not. (I don’t know; are the pictures of half- and quarter-dressed women supposed to appeal to women? I know I don’t work out in underwear.)

    I like to read it, though, especially after I saw this blurb on a study from Perspectives on Psychological Science in the October 2011 issue of Fitness (p 105; emphasis mine):
    daddy reading to rachel

    Women reported experiencing worse moods after reading an article touting the importance of joy and then immediately taking part in a fun activity. “Setting higher expectations for happiness can actually lead you to feel less happy,” says study coauthor Jane Gruber, Ph.D. . . . To avoid that buzzkill, pause to savor little feel-good moments. . . . “Enjoying the activities themselves, rather than because you think they are going to make you happy, is key,” Gruber says.

    What do you think? What are your “little feel-good moments”? (You can see one of mine at right!)

  • Reaching a mother’s limit

    The other day I came across this across a post on reasonable limits from The Thinking Mother, Christine. Usually, when we mothers talk about reasonable limits, we’re talking about the limits to our children’s behavior.

    But that’s not what Christine means—she’s talking about reasonable limits for her expectations of herself. She felt like she was pushing herself so hard, expecting so much of herself, that she had a hard time enjoying her life (emphasis added):

    Some people think I do too many things. I feel like I don’t do enough.

    Some people think I have accomplished great things but even when I win something that I’ve worked to earn I don’t always “feel” like anything is to be celebrated. I’m on to the next thing.

    One impact that having a too-busy life had with me was I suddenly realized I had no time to feel gratitude for the good things that I was experiencing. . . . I started making some changes to try to slow down to enjoy this life I’m living rather than just moving on to the next appointment and the next and the next.

    I totally agree—and this is something I can work on, and maybe we all can. I think that we have to set reasonable expectations of ourselves—recognize what we really can do in a day, what we know about a situation, where we are, allow for our challenges. Sometimes we’re pushing ourselves to do eighty, when we should really only do thirty—and we’re utterly disappointed in ourselves when we “only” get sixty. We have to reevaluate our self-expectations regularly, too.

    What are your unreasonable expectations of yourself? How have you adjusted your expectations to match your limits (physical, mental, emotional, etc.)?

    Photo by Rebekah

  • Reevaluate your expectations

    I think that at some point during their first pregnancy (and probably all subsequent ones, to an extent), most mothers have a moment of brilliant clarity, wherein they realize:

    I have no idea what’s about to happen.

    stepping_stonesParenting is one of those things that we can’t truly understand until we’re in the trenches, raising children for whom we are ultimately responsible. Before we’re there, it’s easy to say “Every Monday, I’ll take my kids to a different museum, Tuesdays we’ll have three hours of music lessons and Wednesdays we’ll perform the complete works of Shakespeare from memory.”

    While I didn’t exactly have such grand designs, I still had a major adjustment period when I became a mother. I went from working full time to lying flat on my back (literally) overnight (literally). Suddenly, I had to relearn the most mundane tasks: finding time to shower, cleaning one-handed, enjoying me time, sleeping.

    With each new phase and milestone, it was the same story: I had to discover an entirely new routine, and find a “new normal.”

    But as hard as it sometimes has been to constantly readjust, reevaluating those expectations are a vital part of motherhood. We learn that the baby isn’t going to sleep until 6:30 anymore (okay, that’s one I’m going to be fighting this week), that dragging three kids under three all over town every day isn’t a good way to inculcate them with culture, that the baby won’t eat baby food, but loves saltines.

    We have to learn to let go of old expectations when we realize that they’re truly not reasonable for our present circumstances. We have to see our lives as they are and set reasonable expectations for our families—and most importantly, for ourselves.

    How do you set reasonable expectations for you and your family? What expectations have you abandoned?